CelebrityFIST!

Mega-pitchman Billy Mays died (ContactMusic)

Nicky Hilton laughs at people trying to get into clubs (DListed) - I have a club I want her to get into … well more like a BAT actually…

Sarah Jessica Parker and Ferris Bueller show off the twins (PinkIsTheNewBlog) - not SJP’s tits (thank you Lord Jesus) but the twin girls that their baby oven surrogate had.

Sex tapes may have officially “jumped the shark” (Gone-Hollywood) - I’d sooner see a Rosie O’Donnell sex tape than John Edwards, okay?

Solange Knowles has no genitalia (DrunkenStepfather) - not surprising considering she’s been manufacturered

Jeff Goldblum NOT dead (ContactMusic)

Also, George Clooney NOT dead (ContactMusic)

But Fred Travalena IS dead (ContactMusic)

Wow - just after dealing with the Michael Jackson mess now I see these Mariah Carey pictures which only leave me with a headache.

*sigh*  Well, it seems that this pics are of her filming her latest music video, “Obsessed” (no, don’t know the song).  Anyway, apparently she dresses up as a dude in some of these and supposedly take a shot at Enimem by dressing up in a hoodie.  I “apparently” because I don’t think Enimem is a gay Puerto Rican trick-turner (but hey I’m still catching up on my gossip, so I guess its possible).

Well I tried to intersperse the ‘dude’ pics with the ‘chick’ pics if only for variety - and only so my head don’t hurt so much.  On the plus side, she still has a nice set of lungs as a chick and I would still totally ram it down her vocal cords but I’m afraid these ‘dude’ pics now put her in the “2 Drink minimum” category.
Sorry, Mimi.  Stick as a chick.

Okay, so the Lordi video above doesn’t fit the post.  It was either that or Benny Benassi (which just sounds icky for this post).

First, yeah I wasn’t gonna post shit about Michael Jackson but his life’s more convoluted now than when he was alive (perfect irony there).  Namely, with his kids…

Well, not HIS kids, technically.  See, he’s got three kids:  1) Michael Jr, 2) Paris, 3) Prince Michael II.

Michael is apparently the father of NONE of them.

Debbie Rowe (who Michael was married to) who gave birth to Michael Jr & Paris is apparently the biological mother to NONE of them either.  See, it turns out (as suppositioned) that she was merely a surrogate for the kids.  However, it was assumed her eggs were used, but now that may not be the case.    This explains why she doesn’t want custody of the kids, technically she was just the “oven”.

Don’t worry, it gets better…

Prince Michael II, apparently was brought to term by a surrogate who didn’t even know that the receiving parent was gonna be Michael Jackson!!

SO-

Who’s the daddy?  (Fuck, who’s the MOMMY!?)

Well, fingers are pointing towards one Dr. Arnold Klein - who was Michael Jackson’s dermatologist (great job, BTW ) AND the former employer of Debbie Rowe.

Meanwhile Rowe’s lawyer is continuing to say that Debbie IS the biological mother (which of course means she has a stake in the Jackson ‘fortune’ - whatever’s left of it), Dr. Klein is MIA, and we don’t even have CLUE who was Prince’s surrogate mom (or the sperm donor).

In case you’re wondering, I’m not posting pics of the kids because lets face it; they’re fucked to high heaven already - why damage them more?

(complied from too many fucking sources but include: TMZ.com, CBS.com, ContactMusic, RadarOnline, and USWeekly)  Hey, I actually read all this shit - now I’ve got a headache…

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemyDo you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

Violence is an enemy  Against the enemy  Violence is an energy

Bringing on the fury  The choir infantry  Revolt against the honor to obey

Overthrow the effigy  The vast majority  Burning down the foreman of control

Silence is the enemy  Against your urgency  So rally up the demons of your soul

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

The insurgency will rise  When the bloods been sacrificed  Don’t be blinded by the lies
In your eyes

Violence is an energy  From here to eternity  Violence is an energy
Silence is the enemy  So gimme gimme revolution

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

Do you know the enemy?  Do you know your enemy?  Well, gotta know the enemy

Overthrow the effigy  The vast majority  Burning down the foreman of control

Silence is the enemy  Against your urgency  So rally up the demons of your soul 

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