CelebrityFIST!

I’m only reporting this under protest.  A young lady who reads my blog (after I initially denied I actually wrote it) INSISTS on more male star news.

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The shit we do for pussy women, eh?  From The Sun (UK):

The Casino Royale star has vowed to “go totally nude” for the next film, currently called Bond 22.  And he reckons it’s only fair on the girls.

“I’d go totally nude. I’ve got nothing to hide, and after all, we ask the girls to reveal almost all, so why not the men?” he said.

The hunky 29-year-old gave the ladies a hint of what’s to come when he emerged from the sea in tight blue swimming trunks in Casino Royale.   But the fuss the infamous scene caused made him nervous.

“Did I know the trunk thing would be such a big deal?” he said.  “Yeah. I saw it on a huge billboard in Hollywood and people were screaming. It did make me feel rather nervous.”

Wonderful.  When are we going to see Danny DeVito’s junk is my question?

I don’t know what’s more ridiculous:  the fact Cyndi Lauper might do this, that I might believe it, or that anyone wasted energy reporting it.

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Or the fact that I’m subjecting you to this.

From The New York Daily News:

Pop survivor Cyndi Lauper has one of the most unusual pre-performance warmups.

An amused source backstage at last week’s benefit for the Hetrick-Martin Institute said she sucked the gas out of two helium balloons, to create her trademark squeaky voice, before belting out hits like “Time After Time.”

The gala, which supported the Harvey Milk High School for LGBT youth, also honored the Scissor Sisters and department store mogul Jeffrey Kalinsky.

But Lauper irritated some members of her teenage backing singers when she introduced them as her “transgender choir.”

“She keeps calling us transgender!” one youth fumed. “We’re not fucking trannies!”

Ooo, the tranny is touchy!

To those longtime readers (you know who you are), you know I just wanna fuck love Scarlett Johannson, so anything that effects her, effects me (especially after that restraining order).  Now you can just imagine my anger when US Weekly decided to spout blashphemy when they dared suggested that my goddess had her nose done!

You can say many things about my Scarlett:  Done it in an elevator? Fine.  Blown half of Hollywood?  Who hasn’t?  But don’t DARE say my muse has gone under the knife.  BURN! BURN!

>ahem<

Anyway, Scarlett’s not thrilled either.  In fact, she’s so pissed she’s throwing the phrase “legal action” around:

“US Weekly’s cover story regarding Scarlett Johansson and its clear implication that she has had plastic or cosmetic surgery on her nose is an outrageous and defamatory fabrication lacking any conceivable basis or proof, despite vehement denials by Ms. Johansson prior to publication,” reads a statement from her rep, exclusively to OK!. “Not surprisingly, US magazine cannot provide the dates when she supposedly had this surgery, who performed the surgery, or what was supposedly done — all because there simply is no truth to the story. The publication made a pathetic attempt to validate its story by using two cover photos of Scarlett that were taken years apart with obviously different make-up and lighting, and then relying on an “expert’s opinion” (based solely on looking at the two photos) on what “might” have been done. It wasn’t.”

And Scarlett herself has this to say to OK!:

“I have always been straightforward with the press regarding my body image and I am very concerned that my fans (and perhaps even my employers) will feel misled. Thus, I feel compelled to take immediate legal action against US Weekly.”

Go get them, my love!  And - um - we need to talk about that 50 mile barrier, huh?

Okay guys - I’ve decided all I want for Xmas is a Wii.  And the two models up there.

Damn.  I’ve heard of being sewed into your dress, but it looks like they used some sort of titantium thread to get her in there.  Worse part, though - is that this simply does not look good on her.  She looks like one of those party crackers you twist open and they make a sound.

Just to prove that CelebrityFIST! is more than just celebs, we bring you this Public Service Announcement about the evils of Butt Implants.  It gets good at 27 seconds - you’ll be say “Aw, shit!” at that time.

Another calendar peek - this one is of model Mayra Veronica.  Well, I assume she’s a model.  She might be a singer.  Or maybe she’s a spokesmodel.  Well, she could be a dancer (but that ass is pretty big).

Anyway, here she is.

From CNN:

Michael Vick, once one of the highest paid players in the National Football League, was sentenced to 23 months in prison for financing a dogfighting ring and helping to kill pit bulls that did not fight aggressively.

Vick’s stunning downfall from NFL superstar to disgraced dogfighting defendant culminated Monday in a 90-minute sentencing hearing in federal court in Richmond, Virginia.

Vick was dressed in a black-and-white striped prison suit and apologized to the his family and to the judge.

“You need to apologize to the millions of young people who looked up to you,” responded U.S. District Judge Henry E. Hudson.

Vick also acknowledged he used “poor judgment” and added he was ready to accept responsibility.

Vick, 27, had faced a maximum of five years in prison. Federal sentencing guidelines recommended a sentence of 12 to 18 months

Michael Vick didn’t do anything right:  he lied during a polygraph test about not killing dogs, he smoked marijuana while on bail then lied to an officer about it.  He basically thought he would get away with all of it.

You got PWNED! motherfucker.  You also didn’t get enough time IMO.  See you in 2009, Michael Dick.

Just out now is the trailer for the new Speed Racer film out in 2008. Now, I was never a big fan of the anime (frankly that little brat & the monkey could eat exhaust pipe for all I cared) though I watched a couple of episodes. Never really grabbed me but then again I’m more of a Lupin and Evangelion kinda guy.

This trailer though makes me curious about the movie. I knew that Speed and family were being “Americanized” for the audiences but the guy playing Speed looks a little like his animated counterpart. John Goodman as Dad Racer just looks silly. Christina Ricci as Trixie was an interesting choice - not what I would have thought but she’s going to give that character an interesting edge.  Also, even though it’s “live action” it’s definitely not grounded in reality.

But then again the Wachowski Brothers (Brother/Sister? whatever) have never liked reality to begin with.  This couple prove big with the kids when its released.