CelebrityFIST!

I don’t know how this sounded like even a likeable idea, but Kathy Hilton has decided to raise money for The Make-A-Wish Foundation by auctioning an invite to crash Paris & Nikki’s Party on New Years Eve.  On the plus side is a travel and a room is included.  The bad news is that Paris & Nikki are involved…

From the actual eBay auction page:

One bidder will win a trip to Las Vegas to attend Paris and Nicky Hilton’s New Year’s Eve Party at the club LAX.   The trip will include airfare for the winning bidder and a friend, a hotel stay at the Luxor Hotel and Casino, plus hair and makeup by Paris and Nicky’s very own hair and makeup artist, Michael Boychuck.

…

My first thought was “Boychuck or Boyfuck”?

It’s nice to see that a woman who has God only knows how many millions is auctioning off tickets that have thus far raised only $2880.  Yeah, real good.  Shit, she wants to make money; how about an offer to make a personal sex tape with Paris?  That would actually garner more money that this lame shit.

Hmm, how about “Hilton Foursome Sex Tape”?  Yeah, I’d actually bid on that.  Really.

In what can only be considered conclusive evidence of Jessica Simpson’s “star power”  *chuckle* :

Jessica Simpson may also have set a record at the box office. Her latest film, Blonde Ambition, co-starring Luke Wilson, took in just $1,190 over the weekend. True, it was shown in only eight Texas theaters, but that’s still an average of less than $50 per theater per day, meaning about six people showed up to see it in each location each day. On his TV Guide Online blog, film critic Ken Fox asked, “Doesn’t someone like Jessica Simpson have more than 48 friends? What about that big Texas family of hers? … Just how bad is this thing anyway?”(source)

The movie, which also stars fellow Texan Luke Wilson, was saved from the straight-to-DVD tag by film bosses at Nu Image and Millennium Films, who decided to give it a limited Christmas run. The executives were hoping the fact that both Simpson and Wilson are Texas natives would help give the film a boost, and possibly lead to more interest from cinema chains across America. The film will now be released on DVD in January, as expected.(source)

Of course, everyone’s been having a field day with the numbers trying to figure out EXACTLY how many people went.  In the end, it doesn’t matter (it’s a 198, in case anyone’s wondering, though); bitch gave birth to one of the biggest theatrical release bombs.  Ever.

No, it’s not the worst though.  That “honor” goes to Zyzzyx Road (2006) starring Tom Sizemore and Katherine Heigl.  That one made exactly $30.

All I can say is:  Jessica.  Dear.  Go back to what you do best:  sucking Daddy Dick.

Mariah Carey decided to do what most normal people do the weekend before Christmas: she went to Aspen and bought jewelry. Well, doesn’t everyone do that?

Of course, I’m willing to cut her some slack. After all, she knew exactly what gets the paps attention: tits. That and the fact that her skin looks fuckin’ flawless. Yup, I’d still do her.

Because Christmas is not a paid holiday for bloggers.  Merry Xmas, motherfuckers.

Jennifer Lamiraqui wishes you a merry Xmas.

Elisha Cuthbert (classic) - back when she looked more doable.

FOR LIGHTDRAGON -  Keira Knightley at the UK Atonement premeire back in September.

(will please now give me by porn drives back?)  ;P

Laura Pausini - pop singer from Italy.  All I know is she’s got decent boobage.

Fuck you Playstation!  Lindsay Lohan can play with my “Wii” anytime she wants!

Seriously, if I was only allow to fuck party with one woman before I was to die immediately, it’d be her.  At least I wouldn’t have to about the STDs getting to me.

We here at ChaozCentral pride ourselves in our chauvanistic choovanistic male attitude.  That said, we wish to wonder what the fuck Salman Rushdie is thinking.  See, he’s divorcing this:

And now dating this: 

Former Star Wars actress Carrie Fisher has sparked rumours of a romance with British author Salman Rushdie, after they were spotted in London enjoying a cosy meal together. The odd couple recently dined together at posh London restaurant The Ivy - and according to reports, Fisher, 51, couldn’t keep her hands off 60-year-old Rushdie. The controversial writer is currently in the process of divorcing his wife of three years, model/actress Padma Lakshmi, following their split in July. (source)

I’m definitely missing something at this point.  My only assumption is that Carrie does nasty kinky things in bed.  Now that would have been cool about 30 years ago.  Now?  Er, not so much.  In fact, you know those “granny gangbang” movies?  Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking of.

And now some pointless nude pictures for you.  Relax it’s Padma, no Carrie. (more…)

It’s nice to see a young actress who isn’t going to go to bed with someone for a part.  It’s just a shame it’s someone I don’t know.

Well, now that I think about it - that kinda makes sense.

Actress Amanda Bynes was preyed on as a vulnerable young starlet - by shady older movie industry figures who tried to seduce her. The 21-year-old, who refuses to reveal the culprits, claims her good upbringing gave her the wits and strength to rebuff their advances. She says, “I definitely met some guys who go for young girls. My parents taught me to watch out for those guys. Guys who like interchangeable young actresses.” The Hairspray actress also dislikes actresses who hook up with wealthy men just for their money: “I don’t need a man for money or fame. I make my own money.” (source)

Frankly, I thought she was cool up to the no hooking up with wealthy men.  As someone once said on Ally McBeal (yeah, I watched, so?) “Money is the great equalizer.”

Anyway, it’s good to she has all those great roles recently like “Hairspray” and … um … hmm.   Gonna have to get back to you that.

By the way, that’s Amanda at the Fredricks of Hollywood 2008 Collection Show.  I’m sure that means something, I’m not sure what though.

Yeah! I can see the resemblence now!
Those wacky Japanese.  I’m not sure if it’s all that weird shit porn they watch or all the warm sake they drink; but there are some really fucked up people in Japan.  Take Japanese Defense Minister Shigeru Ishiba (please!) he’s afraid that Japan doesn’t have the defense in case Godzilla should attack.

…

NO.  I’m not kidding.

Japan would be defenceless if movie monster GODZILLA ever attacked, a government minister has claimed. The giant dinosaur has wreaked havoc on the country in dozens of films and TV shows since it was conceived in 1954. Now defence minister Shigeru Ishiba fears Japan couldn’t cope with a real Godzilla attack - or an alien invasion. Blaming Japan’s pacifist constitution, Ishiba says, “We should consider various possibilities. There is no need at all to do this at the Defence Ministry, but I want to consider what to do by myself.”

At the risk of getting political - I think I would’ve preferred this excuse from ‘W’ a few years back.  “Yeah, Hussein has this gigantic ‘King Kong Farm’.  He intends to attack New York again!”

…Yeah, I know - bad taste.  Fuck it.  I’m bitter.

First, it was Tara Reid; now it’s Lindsay Lohan. While Tara is shilling herself as “the hostess with the mostess”; Linds has taken a more conventional route: endorsements. At least if one is to believe The Sun UK:

The Mean Girls star - who completed a stint in rehab for alcohol and drug addiction in October - has a money-spinning advertising deal with Ariva, a compressed form of tobacco which allows a person to consume nicotine without smoking.

The Sydney Morning Herald reports: “The troubled Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is the last person you would expect to be on the receiving end of a little Aussie ingenuity but not everyone has friends like the Australian playboy Andy Valmorbida.

“After playing host at his family’s marquee at the Melbourne Cup with Rachel Hunter, Valmorbida has returned to Hollywood to work on a deal for Lohan to indirectly endorse a nicotine substitute to help smokers quit.

“His Aussie friends inform PS the deal requires Lohan to hold the packet of special gum in view of the paparazzi so it can be captured in the frame and published worldwide.”

Well, shit - if she wants to make money on endorsements; she ought to go with condoms. No wait - she doesn’t use those, does she.

Hmm, maybe Jamie Lynn Spears could make some condom commercials - she’d be perfect as the “stupid chick”.

Thanks to each and everyone of you who keeps coming back to the boards here at CelebrityFist.  Don’t think I don’t read your comments - cuz I do (well, most of the time).  I even try to respond on occassion.

As you can see, I’m a little busy with giftwrapping so I’ll be off (so to speak) over the next few days.  But I’ll be back Xmas Night to see what feces Hollywood has thrown up on the wall.

As a Xmas gift (of sorts) a couple of GOOD cartoons (because everything made after the Smurfs sucks):

Tom & Jerry “The Night Before Christmas” 

Grampy “Christmas Comes But Once A Year”

No, huh?  Feeling grinchy?  Fine, here then is:

“Santa Claus Conquers The Martians” (original - nonMST3K)

(every time someone says “Santa” take a drink - you’ll be out in the first 15 minutes)

Each of you have a very Happy Holiday (whichever one you celebrate) and have a safe one as well.  Cuz, without you guys; I’m just talking to myself here.

More naked beefcake. You know, ladies - this shit isn’t easy while I’m eating a double bacon cheeseburger.

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