CelebrityFIST!

COCO TACO HUNGRY!!

(above) Ice-T’s ho wife, Coco, showing off what her momma gave her.

Ozzy Osbourne’s autobiography will have blank pages. (Hollywood Drag)

Eva Longoria used to dress slutty hot before “Desperate Housewives” (Celebrity Smack) *P.S. - yes, this is how all the ladies in South Texas dress like.

Paris pimps for Fila (Tasteful Celebs)

X17 wants you to download Britney’s new single tomorrow (X17 Online)

Amy Winehouse chi-laxes in Barbados (I’m Not Obsessed)

For Sum - Top 100 Popular Pornstars of 2007 (Porn-Star.com)

‘Borat‘ wants Oscar by playing Abbie Hoffman (The Sun - UK)

Penelope & Monica Cruz make out for brother’s video (Audioporn Central)

Letterman looking to dethrone Leno with his writers (IMDB)

And, finally …. MORE cowbell cameltoe - this time courtesy of Elisabetta Gregoraci (Paulsworld)

One of the two knows how to sing, the other is Jessica Simpson
I really don’t know what possesses some people to not move on with their lives.  Take Michelle Pfeiffer.  She’s made good coin in flicks and is even respected as an above-average actress.  However, all that said what movie does she want to make - or remake?  Grease.  With who?  Jessica Simpson.
No, really.

Michelle Pfeiffer is desperate to star in a remake of seventies movie musical GREASE - and she wants Jessica Simpson to play Sandy. The actress is desperately embarrassed about her performance in the ill-fated Grease 2, and wants to erase all memory of it by making a new version of the original film. Pfieffer is thrilled by reports Simpson is being touted to play prom queen Sandy Dumbrowski - and has her eye on the role of the comical Principal MCGee.

She says, “It’s a great idea, and I hear they would like to get Jessica Simpson for the role of Sandy. She would be good.” Pfeiffer adds of her own Grease experience, “I hated that film (Grease 2) with a vengeance and could not believe how bad it was. At the time, was young and didn’t know better… I hear it’s a cult movie now.”  (source) (source)

Michelle, face it - you can remake all the movies in the world but you can never change the fact that you were in Grease 2.  Why make a musical with a woman who last movie made about $1000 bucks?  Granted Simpson has a singing voice but she’d be covered up for most of the movie and unless she sang nude in the end with her tits taking out her co-stars left and right, we’re not gonna wanna see it.

Worse, Daddy Simpson might wanna play Danny so he can have a make-out with Sandy in the movie, and that’s just wrong.

Is that a smile or a stroke?

Well, it was inevitable I suppose. Hayden Panettiere has got herself a boytoy. This one is in the form of 30-year-old Milo Ventimiglia. And no, I have no fuckin’ idea who he is. All I know is that this guy will probably turn that tight box into something UPS got a hold of during Xmas rush. Shit. And to make matters worse, a couple of bloggers are already dubbing them “Halo”. (source)

BLECH!

I thought about calling them “Panties-Rarely Genitalia” but it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue; so I’ve decided to call them “Panetmiglia“. Mainly because it sounds like a disease and let’s face it - it’s time to end this retarded habit of crunching couples’ names together.

Yeah, I’m practicing my “tabloid headline” writing.  Not too bad, eh?  Anyway, onto the story:  seems 15 year old Miley Cyrus is learning the hard way that you gotta be careful with your pics else, they’ll wind up in the wrong hands.  Like mine for instance.

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has defended a photoshoot in which she is seen frolicking with a female companion - insisting the photos are entirely “innocent”. The 15-year-old faced a storm of criticism after the pictures, which showed her rolling around on a hotel room floor and sharing a piece of candy with a friend, were leaked on the Internet and deemed to have inappropriate sexual undertones. But the teenager has hit back claiming there is nothing erotic about the images. She says, “They’re nothing bad! It’s not something I’m going to let slide. I’m really upset about it, ’cause it was, like, not even a big deal. That’s one of my best friends. I have all these girls who I hang out with all the time. It’s two girls at a sleepover, and if all of a sudden that’s bad, then what is the world coming to?” (source)

What’s the world coming to, Miley?  Well, most likely they’re coming to your pictures … and on them … and around them.

But that’s another story.

Actually in defense of Miley, there really is nothing wrong with two girls having a sleepover and taking pictures of each other on the floor and sharing a piece of candy with their mouths.   One of them with her lips pursed full and the other with her tongue hanging out.  Nope, nothing “sexual” about that at all.

Of course, we’ll be seeing these as part of the new American Apparel ad campaign.

Bonus round:  I just LOVE the comments in the EOnline post - they swing from “This is how Britney started” to complete and absolute denial.  Definitely worth a chuckle.

Remember this pic after they’re arrested for DWI.

I love young women. Really, I do. They’re kinda like getting into a new car - that fresh smell, the way you slip right in like it was made for you, the purring of the engine….

….

Oop! Sorry, daydreaming. Anyway - I like young women. These TWO though are getting on my nerves. Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tinsdale are supposedly part of the “new wave” of celebrities. Other than one taking nude pictures for her gay guyfriend and the other chopping her nose off, there really isn’t anything going on with these two. Really.

Which of course begs the question “Why am I devoting a post to them?” That’s easy. Because I came up with the phrase “The Ho and The Nose” and I just had to put in print. Nyah!

Oh, and I just love how Tinsdale is “enjoying” the spotlight. In 5 years, Hudgens is in Playboy and Tinsdale is in rehab (for the 10th time).

It really is nice to see every once in a while that all is exactly wrong with the world. Kinda like that feeling you get when you find out Santa’s not real or that Paris is still breathing. Which conveniently brings us to Paris Hilton. The “celeb of nothing” was apparently out partying with none other than Britney’s ex Kevin Federline.

Y’know I don’t try to reason this shit out anymore. Everytime I do, my head implodes and it takes a while to get all the pieces back together (I’ve had to number them to simplify the process).

To make matters worse, the two may have even spent some time in Paris’ room. The only reason I don’t believe that is because I am positive that the moment K-Fed stuck it in Paris, it would have created a cosmic singularity that would have destroyed the entire known universe. Kinda like that “Keymaster” and “Gatekeeper” thing from Ghostbusters. Who ya gonna call?

Lindsay Lohan.

Just the name is synonymous with sluttiness, drugs, alcohol, partying.  In short, the perfect one-night-stand (STDs aside, of course).  Having gone through like 200 stories just from New Year’s Eve alone (okay, 180 of those were porn related, but don’t mind that), I decided that we need a Lindsay to start the year off just right.

Wild child actress Lindsay Lohan showed off her ample pulling skills when she kissed THREE men in one busy 24-hour spell while visiting Capri for a film festival last weekend.But it is not every man who manages to get lucky enough to make it back to Li-Lo’s pad.

Only actor Dario Faiella, the son of Italian music legend Peppino Di Capri, headed back to her hotel. But Li-Lo was clearly smitten with her choice, as she showed an undressed Faiella her appreciation with a loving hand on his derriére out on her room balcony. (source)