CelebrityFIST!

Huang’s deal with Lucifer paid off quickly…
…Because this guy is apparently fucking dating this cheerleader.  No.  Really.  I actually hope not.  Really.

Kid needs to be rich.  Or have the best tongue work this side of Gene Simmons.  Or he’s doing ALL of her homework.

…

…

Seriously, I look more like Mel Brooks than Mel Gibson and even I’m hotter than this guy!

…

…

I’m going to go microwave my head now.  Be back later.

pics and idea stolen from courtesy of Busted Coverage

No no no! I warned you about the glass door! 

Christina Aguilera’s post-pregnancy obviously has been a double-edged sword.  While her boobs seem fatter than ever; her face seems to have taken a trip to the butter aisle.

Don’t get me wrong; I love big natural boobs but with the current state of her face, it’s paperbag time for me.

…

What?  I’m a picky sonuvbitch.  Fuck you. 

With friends like these…?

Well isn’t this special! For those who have been living under a rock: Sarah Palin’s 17-year old daughter, Bristol Connecticut is 5 months pregnant in a revelation that should surprise NO ONE. Shit, in Alaska; the two main things to do up there is drink and fuck (not necessarily in that order, either). And as expected, all the Repubs are just delighted she’s keeping the child and marrying the father (poor dick, should’ve bought the rubber; Einstiein!!).

O_o

Never mind the inanity of all that after preaching about abstinence, teen pregnancy, ‘the parent’s fault’, blah blah blah. I’ll save that for Sunday. >:( In the mean time, Brist-ho has some unlikely allies: Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lynn Spears. Well creampie lovers need support groups too, ya know!

Lindsay takes the strong hand in saying

“I think the real problem comes from the fact that we are taking the focus off of getting to know Sarah Palin and her political views, and what she can do to make our country a less destructive place,” Lohan blogs on her MySpace page. “It’s distracting from the real issues, the real everyday problems that this country experiences.”
Lohan continues, “I get Sarah Palin’s views against abortion, but I would much prefer to hear more about what she can do for our country, rather than how her daughter is going to have a child no matter what. Maybe focus on delivering some words and policy with stronger impact like [Barack Obama’s vice presidential pick] Joe Biden.”

Lohan goes on to stress the importance of sex education.

“I think that parents need to recognize how important it is to talk to their children about the things that can result from being sexually active if they aren’t protecting themselves,” she writes. (US Magazine)

Well considering her stance on screwing any guy (and gal) that moves; its comforting to know that being a slut isn’t important. Call me babe!

Meanwhile, Jamie Lynn has gone a step further (sorta) …

A source close to the Beverly Hills baby store Petit Tresor tells CelebTV.com exclusively that a gift from Plain Mary was sent to Bristol Palin on behalf of Jamie Lynn Spears.

An insider says it was actually Lynne Spears, Jamie Lynn’s mom, who called about the gift, and requested the gift come from her daughter.

“It was ordered by phone, and they asked what could be done for under $100. They spent $60 on pink burpcloths,” said the source.

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to her first daughter, Maddie Briann, in June, at the age of 17.

(CelebTV.com via Blog Of Hilarity)

Well, my guess is that the Demos will cast this as Karl Rove’s plan to lock up the “Whore Vote”.

…

Seriously, all that’s missing is the half-Mexican/half-Asian/half-Black exchange student who comes and stays with the Palins every summer.