CelebrityFIST!

I realize that SPN has lacked actual pr0n in some of the posts (the hard kind) and I haven’t really touched the vast storage of real amateurs out there.  And believe me there are TONS of them.  My recently-deceased HD had several Gigs of these (*sob*).  So, in ‘memory’ (pun intended) of my HardDrive I give you an all-amateur SPN!

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I was rummaging thru the Net trying to find what to post for tonight’s “Saturday Night Porn” and came across what I think is easily the worst set of boobs I’ve seen.

I feel bad for Melissa Jacobs.  No, really.  Here is this nice attractive girl and that little voice (probably her ‘agent/boyfriend’) tells her to get some boobs.  So what does she do?  She cuts an orange in half, freezes it in liquid nitrogen and then has it inserted into her chest.  YUCK!

Mean fake gigantic boobs are ugly but you know damn well they’re fake.  Fake little boobs though are as if you tried to pass’em off as real but got megabusted (another example are Tara Reids horrible nipplesteins)

So you tell me - worst ever or not?  Examples maybe posted to mock compare. (more…)

I see Ronson and my balls retract in fear…
Well it seems the talk about Lindsay Lohan and her ‘boyfriend’* Samantha Ronson breaking up was just talk after all.  But then again there’s little to do on a L.A. to London flight (I assume, because I sure as hell wouldn’t know).

So what did they do on the flight?  REALLY annoying mushy stuff.  Not even that hot: (jump inserted so you don’t have to read the boredom) (more…)

Ya know Unca Chaoz is a pretty frisky guy (at least in his own mind) and he’s not above a little kink.  That said, I have no fucking idea what how this ad is supposed to make anyone want to buy Agent Provocateur lingerie.  I suppose if you’re a dominiatrix or a submissive who likes to be whipped while asleep, it’ll get your attention.  Thing is the ’sound/music’ gets irritating halfway in and devolves from there.

What I wanna see is more ads like the classic AP one with Kylie Minogue (see below).

Aw hell, just give me Kylie. 

There’s moments when you simply have to wonder how stupid Britney Spears is.  Bless her trailer trash soul, even solidly on the ‘comeback’ track she still manages to make people scratch their heads.  Did she eat a mercury thermometer?  Did she land on her head once too many times?

See, she - hell, just read this… (from USmagazine.com)

Britney Spears is putting on a magic show!

The pop star will be sawed in half — among other stunts — on her upcoming Circus tour, according to E! News.

“Right away, she got into the boxes and into the magic contraptions to learn the stuff, and she’s so excited about this tour and all the elements that are in it,” illusionist-comedian Ed Alonzo said.

Spears will serve as Alonzo’s assistant during the bit, but that won’t stop her from missing out on the fun.

“If I do a trick, she doesn’t just hold the props, she’s actually getting inside the big boxes or I am slicing her up.”

He added: I “made [the tricks] really easy for her, but there are some complicated things that she is doing that you would think a contortionist would have to do, or a trained magician’s assistant. But because she’s a dancer, it really makes sense to put her in the magic, and it works and she’s really, really good at it.”

Almost makes ya wanna get the popcorn out.

“Mr. Alonzo! Mr. Alonzo!  I figured out how to do the guillotine trick!  Watch!” *SLICE* (her head rolls down the stage)

…on the other hand it does make me wonder how much she learned from her stint fucking working with Criss Angel.

Melyssa Ford - you know strippers USED to look like this.  Now?  Ugh. 

Dusting Crows Doutzen Kroes is Dutch … and nakkid

Lindsay Lohan in a topless shoot (but not nipplage - BOO!) 

And Roselyn Sanchez in an undated shoot (okay she’s not skanky - she’s ’skankish’ maybe)