CelebrityFIST!

Normally, I try not to focus on just one blog for my stealing sources and never as a subject of a post.  But Egotastic got 1994 on the brain for April Fools and threw up some flashback stuff so I though I’d share that with you…

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>insert kink joke here<
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:::looks to the left then right:::

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I’d do Hayden with her mom.

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:::sneaks off:::

Maria Mazza - nice tease without giving up too much

Kristen Bell in some Vanity Fair outtakes - a quiet cutie in my opinion

All I know is her name is Natasha Q - nice rack though.

Britney Spears in the newest Maxim Germany. Uh, Germany; these pics are older than dirt, wanna enter the 21st century?

Ok… several beers, shots, champagne glasses, and orgasms later…

ZZZZZZZZZZ  *snork*

Sorry - just, um … ‘meditating’.  Yeah.

Lets see what’s going on with the world right now, eh?
Katy Perry Does It On Purpose! Well, *DUH* how can you get attention nowadays?? - ICYDK

Queen Latifah Is Being Sued For $1 Million … I’ve seen Latifah, shouldn’t it be the other way around?    - Celebitchy

Fergie has a toned stomach - looks like Marvin the Martian, but toned stomach - Drunken Stepfather

Gisele Bundchen wants to adopt a glue-sniffer - at this rate I’ll snort Elmer’s if it gets me closer to her pussy. - Lossip

Alyssa Milano is writes a book - WITHOUT pictures, no less!  U Go Grl! - NewsToob

MySpace tricks are for kids jailbait - Double Viking

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SNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKK

Alright, alright; calm down.  You’re upset - I know, too much Miley in such a short time.  Here’s some nice nudes!

…now, will you please stop trying to set my house on fire?  Thank you. 

(Warning - some are hardcore - not that that should bother you, you pervs. 

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She’s just a child so we must be patient … NOT!

This is what happens when you have stupid people in the news.  They make … well … stupid news.  Even when they’re not directly involved.  Take this nice little spread from ContactMusic.

Hey - I put these all on one post so neither has to deal with it for the rest of the day, ok? Ok.

Miley Cyrus refuses to party - Apparently, Miley has decided that she will NOT be seen coming out nightclubs at early hours or caught sucking dick in back alleyways (ok, I added that last bit).  All for her sister:

She tells America’s Glamour magazine, “The last thing I ever want to do is disappoint my family. I think it’s selfish to go out partying all the time, especially if you have little ones. I have a nine year old sister, and I don’t want her to go out to school and have people make fun of her for it.”

Well Lord knows, her sister’s classmates already have enough fodder to last well into her high school years.  Why pile on, right?

Hacking Miley: Threat To National Security! - I’m REALLY hoping this is an April Fools joke.

Detectives at America’s Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) are still trying to build a case against a internet hacker who allegedly tapped into Miley Cyrus’ emails.
The Hannah Montana star was left fuming last year when someone broke into her personal online accounts and leaked a string of saucy pictures of the star on the web.
Josh Holly, 19, was named as a prime suspect in the police investigation after detectives raided his Tennessee home in October and seized his computer equipment.
The teen was never arrested or charged in connection with the incident.
However, FBI officials are adamant that they have not dropped the case - and are still working on gathering evidence.
FBI spokesman Special Agent Scott Augenbaum tells E! Online, “We’re still working on it.”

Our taxdollars at work, ladies and gents…

Miley Cyrus: Future Gay Icon - DEFINITELY an April Fools.  Not the story, the director:

Hannah Montana: The Movie director Peter Chelsom has compared Miley Cyrus to screen legend Judy Garland - insisting he was “blown away” the first time he saw the teen superstar.
The filmmaker is at the helm of Cyrus’ first movie gig in the role of phenomenally popular kids’ show heroine Hannah Montana.
And Chelsom admits he saw the 16-year-old’s potential long before they worked together - recalling an appearance on Oprah Winfrey’s talkshow which left him speechless.
He tells E! Online, “I was blown away. I just thought, you know there is no way this girl shouldn’t be ranked with Shirley Temple or Judy Garland.
“I couldn’t believe it. It was like watching an evening with Barbara Striesand“
And the filmmaker is adamant that Cyrus deserves to have her talent recognised - because she has reached such a high standard at such a young age.
He adds, “She was 15 for the whole making of the movie…Was Barbra doing that at 15? I don’t think so.”
Hannah Montana: The Movie hits theatres in the U.S. in April.

Well, it IS April Fools and general consensus is that these pictures HAVE to be a joke.  Apparently, Britney Spears became the new Candies’ spokemodel (as long as she doesn’t speak) while I wasn’t looking and the result is this ad campaign.

I’ll skip the fact that Candies’ is SOOO 2002, do they actually expect the public to buy that this is how Britney looks at this moment???

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Of course, they would.  George W Bush got elected twice, right? Sorry political humor is SOOO 2008…

My guess is that in order to pull this illusion off, they must burnt every computer in the ad agency’s building.  All that was missing was the airbrush overload that Playboy did on Aubrey O’Day.

At the same time I almost feel sorry for Brit-Brit.  I’m sure when she heard she was signing on to Candies she thought it was like M&M’s or something and she get a free shitload of those.

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What?  I know its an old joke but I’m trying to catch up!  Fuck you. 

Answer: “Her dad and her boyfriend.”

Well, everyone’s favorite to ‘Britney‘ in the next few years - Miley Cyrus - is now defending the tears she shed at The Kids’ Choice Awards for winning some weretarded award.

Miley Cyrus has ripped into cynical critics who questioned her tears at the Kids’ Choice Awards on Saturday (28Mar09), but admits she’s embarrassed about losing her cool at the ceremony.

The actress/singer sobbed as she accepted her Favourite Female Singer honour, and insists she really was overcome with emotion when her name was read out during an onstage skit with host Dwayne Johnson.

She tells MTV News, “I was a little embarrassed… (but) it meant something to me, because it’s from the kids and the kids are more important than anything else in the world. So it made me happy.
“Honestly, I didn’t think I was going to win it. It just made my day that I did.” (ContactMusic)

OK … first of all, ‘embarrassed’ would be when you made those ‘funny faces’ making fun of your Asian friend.  THAT’S embarrassing (not to mention stupid).  Second, it’s not the fuckin’ Oscars though this is probably going to be the apex of your career right here.

Lastly - please.  “The kids are more important than anything else in the world“?  Let’s put aside that YOU are still a kid (chronologically, mentally, and emotionally); weren’t you the same one who declared some sort of bizarre little ‘war’ against Radiohead?

Ugh, I’m gonna stop before I get medieval on her weretard ass.  Fuck it, she’s our WERETARD OF THE WEEK!

:::throws papers in the air:::

So fucking what?

Oh-ho-ho!  Lets put up silly headlines and shit!  Let make news stories up!

…like half aren’t already made up already…

Sorry, crankier than usual (yes, it’s possible).  Woke up and it was 68 degrees in the house.  I hate Texas weather in the Spring.  Cold at night, hot in the afternoon and my electric goes skyhigh because I have to switch between my heater and A/C.

Okay that was bitching for the day moment.  Lets start posting, shall we?