CelebrityFIST!

It’s 4:53am and I’m sleepy.  Maybe I’ll go with the other 4 women remaining some other time.  Or not.  #11 did give me something though.  The reality of hope, ironically.  She made me realize that my own goofiness was a positive thing and not a negative.  While she ultimately went another way she was kind enough to remind of that.  … … If find it interesting that my last post of the night is hers.  She wasn’t the most influential, she wasn’t the most attractive, she wasn’t the most … well anything really.  She just was.  Like I ‘was’.  This was (at the time) her favorite song.

…

Somehow I can’t think of a better way to end my extended festival than with this.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ‘99 ‘09,

Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term
benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis or
reliable then my own meandering experience.  I will dispense this advice….now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, nevermind, you won’t understand the power and
beauty of your youth until they’ve faded, but trust me in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of
yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous
you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future, or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra
equation by chewing bubblegum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind: the kind that blindsides
you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy.  Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.  The race is
long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive; forget the insults. (if you succeed in doing this, tell me how).

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.  The most interesting people
I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives; some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of Calcium.  Be kind to your knees — you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t.  Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t.  Maybe you’ll
divorce at 40; maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either.  Your choices are half
chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body: use it every way you can.  Don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it’s the
greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance…even if you have no where to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions (even if you don’t follow them).

Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they’re your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in
the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but what a precious few should hold on.  Work hard to bridge the gaps
and geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you
were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old; and when you
do, you’ll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children
respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.  Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you’ll have a wealthy spouse,
but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair or by the time you are 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.  Advice is a form of nostalgia;
dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal–wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and
recycling it for more than it’s worth.

Peace.

Alternate version.

3 Comments »

Dec 16 2009

ANFNR #5: Alanis Morrisette - “You Oughta Know”

Posted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Song Of The Day

If there was ever a soulmate, this one was it.  Unfortunately, she (by her admission) messed it up by marrying someone else.  She was also the longest relationship I had (two stints, three years).  However, I also remember she was the one who used the phrase “emotional vacuum” to describe me.  A fair assessment perhaps, but one I can’t forget and one I remember to avoid to this day.

I still speak to her every once in a while but she has her own (disjointed) life and I have mine.  Past is passed.

6 Comments »

Dec 16 2009

ANFNR #2: Robert Palmer - “Addicted To Love”

Posted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Song Of The Day

Oh, this is interesting not so much because of her but because of why.  (scratches head)

See, there was this really weird dude who used to hang around the Dungeon & Dragon games (don’t laugh this was 1985).  He wore a long trench coat and generally gave a weird vibe.

Of course as luck would fuckin’ have it he was randomly assigned as my roommate after my last one entered a frat.  I actually felt he was gonna murder me.  I even left notes under my pillow that if I died to look at him as the culprit.  No, really.

As it turned out, I had it backwards.

In the interim of all this, I was messing with #2 (who was my first college thing), an Asian exchange student.  Eventually I learned I didn’t have the two things she was looking for: 1) white skin, and 2) money.  She seduced my roommate and they decided to make out in our room … while I was there ‘asleep’.  Which I wasn’t of course.

Anyway a VERY long story short I simply told him that if she entered the room again he would have to leave through the window … we were on the 14th floor.  Suffice to say that we didn’t last roomies past the semester.

A few years later I learned she bled him dry until she found someone richer for her needs.

Karma, baby, karma.

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Dec 16 2009

ANFNR #4: Jennifer Rush - “Power Of Love”

Posted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Song Of The Day

Okay.  Now if I can truly say I fucked up one of the 17, this would be my choice.  We had common interests and we talked for hours on end (literally, we could talk on the phone for 6 hours at a time).  We had our … ‘moments’.  In the end though, she wanted to go her own way and … … … it wasn’t consistent with mine.  Maybe she wanted me to tell her NOT to go.  I don’t know and at this point, it’s irrelevant.

Honestly, I wasn’t that much versed in the female gender than I am now twenty years later.  I was a very shy little shit.  Read too much?  Read too little?  I don’t know.  I’ve NEVER known.  Perhaps happiness is just as much as a crap shoot as anything else in life.

In the end, she went into the armed forces, married a man with the same first name as mine, and in the same profession as mine.

….

Trust me, I know for a fuckin’ fact that God has a sense of humor.  And I’ve been a walking punchline.

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