CelebrityFIST!

Pamela Anderson learns not to fuck with Uncle Sam.  Of course, too bad she didn’t learn that with Tommy Lee before she got The Hep.  (OOPS!)  Actually, to be truthful she owes California that (so actually “Uncle Ahnald”) and its about half a million dollars.  Wow.  Who knew a washed up, diseased hoe could earn enough to OWE that much.  Oh wait - never mind, “California” - got it.

Holly Madison gets a ‘bobblehead’ of her own.  With the start of this year’s baseball season (a sport which I stopped caring about around 1979); everyone needed a ‘notable’ to throw the first pitch.  Appropriately, the Las Vegas 51’s (named after Area 51 - the so-called secret alien housing unit) picked someone not quite of this planet to throw out the first pitch.  And they also gave out bobbleheads of their “guest of honor”:  Holly Madison.  Tru-fact - the bobblehead contains the same percentage of plastic as the ACTUAL Holly!  How’s THAT for engineering!

Larry King is an old fucking idiot.  I say that not outta jealousy since he’s been married (and soon to be divorced) eight times whereas I’m still waiting to get married once.  Nope.  He’s an idiot because he not only cheats on his wife.  He cheats on her with HER SISTER.  Plus - he HAD NO GODDAMN FUCKING PRENUP!!  (facepalms)  As Charlie Sheen is alleged to have said - “You don’t pay a hooker for sex, you pay her to leave in the morning.”  In the long run that’s better than HALF YOUR SHIT.

[quick sidebar: Forgot to mention but I bought a 12-pack tonight and currently on #10.  So if I fall asleep suddenly - well you know.]

Sigourney Weaver is a dude.  And a sexist one at that since she says the reason her svengali James “Kirk” Cameron “Mitchell” lost the Oscar for Best Picture (Avatar) to the winner (The Hurt Locker) was because the director was a woman.  … What?  For the record, I started watching Avatar - got a phone call and walked out of the theater - didn’t go back in.  Frankly, its boring as shit drying.  Sorry.  It’s kinda like a porn star - great for about 15 minutes but do you really wanna stick around 2.5 hours?

Aw fuck - I’m too drunk to finish it.

Hey at least I’m honest!!

Okay, some have told me they don’t like some of the ‘old songs’ I’ve put up.  Of course, ‘old’ means anything before 1985.  So ….

FUCK IT.  MY BLOG.  MY RULES.

Lets go instead FURTHER back.  I was only a toddler when this song came out but discovered it when my lesbian, pothead aunt would play this stuff while babysitting me.  No, really.  She used to have a shitload of day-glo posters on the ceiling of her bedroom (she was still living with my grandparents (her parents) at the time).  One of my ‘favorites’ was one of Mickey, Donald, and Goofy all wasted around a bong.  Of course, back THEN I didn’t know they were ‘wasted’ and I sure as hell didn’t know what a ‘bong’ was - but the image stuck with me so much that I understand the context now.

Miss that poster.  And my aunt.  (shrugs)  C’est le vie and all that.

Enough words:

BTW, if you’ve got a joint - take a long puff for me alright?  Thanx.

I’m sure today is a day to celebrate something.  Oh yeah, Fiesta starts ‘officially’ today.  For those playing at home, its the biggest party here in town - basically 10 days to get shitfaced, arrested - wash, rinse, repeat.

Me?  I don’t do it because: 1) too fucking expensive, 2) too fucking crowded, & 3) been arrested once and the enjoyment is HIGHLY overrated.

Nope, I fully intend to enjoy my ‘fiesta’ in a nice - chaotic - way.  Hopefully involving taxis, blowjobs, and strippers (quite possibly all at once). 

Enough balloon juice - here’s the eyecandy. (more…)