CelebrityFIST!

Britney’s becoming a cartoon for her next video (ContactMusic) - as if she weren’t two-dimensional and exaggerated enough already.

Jennifer Aniston has found security in the arms of … Owen Wilson?? (Celebslam) - The two most insecure people in Hollywood - oh yeah, “no problems here”!

Dawn Wells (Gilligan’s Island Mary Ann) gets busted with pot. (SFGate) - Well, there had to be some reason why they never got off that island!!

(nsfw)

Christie’s selling Gisele Bundchen nude photos for about $3 million (HollywoodTuna) -  Um, the only way she’s worth $3 mil is perpetually on her knees…

Finally Adriana Lima apparently fucks ugly dudes (Bastardly) - Please, please … the line forms right behind ME, thank you very much!.

Once upon time / in a galaxy real fuckin’ far away…
Well, here is the obligatory Britney post.  I post it only because something actually happened (not the normal “Britney takes a dump on the sidewalk” crap).  In this case she actually saw her kids after about - what, 3 years or something?  Anyway, the NO one was taking any chances on this…

For the first time in nearly two months, the beleaguered pop star had face-to-face contact with sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, during a Saturday morning, court-monitored visit, sources confirm to E! News.

Aside from Spears and a court-appointed monitor, there were several other key personnel on hand, including: Britney’s father, Jamie Spears; a Federline security guard; and a lawyer from the Luce Forward law firm, which is handling Britney’s conservatorship for Jamie Spears.

According to an insider, the 26-year-old pop star was not permitted to take the boys, ages two and one, into another room without the others watching.

The ground rules for the visitation were hammered out Friday night, by lawyers for Luce Forward and ex-husband Kevin Federline. (source)

The sad part is that she needs all that supervision.  Miss Looney Tunes is liable to take the kids move to Tijuana, become part of the “donkey show” and have the kids out there on the streets selling tequila lollypops to passing tourists.  It’s okay if they still can’t talk coherently anyway; the tourists would think they’re just speaking Spanish.

Two words:  TOUCH FOOTBALL
I’m kind of reminded of Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.   Of course, in this case; it’s all of us and the still more Britney news.  It’s seems as if even locked up in the looney bin (see below) she still manages to get into the news.  Amazing.

Well, the news starts on legal front with Jamie Spears (her dad, not the teenage pregnant slut) taking over her finances and basically running the Spears media “empire”.  That’s not saying so much about Jamie since he pretty much gets it by default.  An added bonus is he gets to decide who sees Britney while she enjoys her stay in “Casa De Locos”.  Of course, one of the first ‘casualties’ was Sam Lutfi…

Spears’ estranged parents and Lutfi were reported to have joined forces to have the singer admitted to Los Angeles’ UCLA Medical Center on Thursday morning, where she was placed on 72-hour psychiatric hold. But Lutfi is now claiming Britney’s parents are more concerned with money and their image than their daughter’s wellbeing, branding them “incapable of telling the truth and incapable of sympathising”.

(H)e insists he has “a moral obligation” to protect the 26-year-old like he would with any of his three sisters. He also maintains he has never been paid by Spears and “never accepted money from the media” for tip offs about the star’s whereabouts. (source)

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Then Lufti decided to take this to the next level.  Well, to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show anyway….

Lutfi … phoned Los Angeles radio host Ryan Seacrest on Thursday night to gush about his “sister”, Britney, and the mental health problems that prompted a headline-grabbing intervention early on Thursday morning. Allowing Seacrest to repeat his comments during his breakfast show on Friday, a tearful Lutfi also took aim at the pop star’s family, insisting they were “incapable of telling the truth and incapable of sympathising” and  “They came into the house with an agenda and are trying to look like the heroes after all the dirty work has been done. Their main worry is being financially cut off.”

Britney’s mum fired back by personally calling Seacrest to “set the record straight”. Off-air, she told the DJ not to believe everything written and said about her in the media, insisting her only concern is for her daughter’s well-being. Spears is currently on a 72-hour emergency hold at UCLA Medical Center, where she is undergoing psychiatric tests. (source)

Ryan Seacrest a “DJ” … hmm, I doubt it.  Anyway, about those 72 hours?  Yeah, well…

Britney Spears will likely spend the next two weeks in a psychiatric centre’s padded cell, it has been claimed.  According to reports the disturbed singer has been declared a danger to herself or others by staff at the UCLA Medical Centre.  The 26-year-old had initially been set to stay at the Los Angeles centre for 72 hours after being sectioned last week.  But a hospital source told People magazine: “Britney Spears’ hospitalisation has been extended to an additional 14-day hold.”

Meanwhile it has been claimed that the singer’s parents have reported a theft of many of their daughter’s possessions in the hours after she was sectioned.  Press reports claim Lynne and Jamie Spears blame Britney’s manager Sam Lufti for the thefts.

But he retorted: “First they take her kids, then her home and money. Britney does not have anything left.” (source)

Now theft?  Jeez, this is sounding like an episode of Matlock.  A very bad episode, but nevertheless.

So where are Britney’s lawyers in all this, you asked?  Well, even if you didn’t, they’re not thrilled that their piggybank client doesn’t have control of the purse strings, SO…

Lawyers for troubled singer BRITNEY SPEARS are heading to court to fight an order which has given her father control of her estate, according to U.S. reports. The Toxic star is currently being held at a Los Angeles hospital for psychiatric treatment and on Friday a judge granted her father Jamie, and his lawyer Andrew Wallet, temporary conservatorship - meaning they are in complete charge of Spears’ medical, financial and legal affairs. Jamie even has the right to restrict people visiting the 26-year-old.

But a further court hearing is scheduled for Monday and according reports from People.com and TMZ.com, Spears’ attorneys are expected to object to the amount of control which has been handed to her father. Meanwhile, a planned hearing in the singer’s ongoing custody battle for her two sons is expected to go ahead without her on Monday. (source)

Hmm, I’m suddenly struck by the phrase “lawyer orgy”.

Oh, and I haven’t even mentioned the “Streisand connection”.  Oh yeah, you heard right.

BRITNEY SPEARS’ fortune came to the fore in court on Monday as part of her ongoing legal battles for custody of her kids and control of her finances. With the pop star committed to a psychiatric hospital, her new attorney Adam Streisand represented her in court and was asked to reveal details of the singer’s worth. This comes after her father Jamie was given control of his troubled daughter’s financial and legal affairs in an emergency hearing on Friday.

Streisand, who is Barbra Streisand’s second cousin, asked the court commissioner to reconsider Jamie Spears’ new role as conservator of his client’s. According to TMZ.com, Streisand asked for Spears’ business manager, Howard Grossman, to be named conservator. In his argument, the attorney told the court his client’s estate is worth $40 million, and he revealed she is currently in the middle of a $17 million tax audit. Streisand lost his bid to overturn the conservatorship ruling after the judge declined to change Friday’s order.

The matter will be revisited at a hearing on 14 February. Meanwhile, the court also imposed a ban on Spears engaging in any form of communication with her self-proclaimed manager, Sam Lutfi.

Monday was a big day in court for Spears - even though she wasn’t physically there. Another lawyer, Anne Kiley, was in court for the latest hearing into Spears’ child custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline and his attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan. That hearing was quickly rescheduled to 19 February. Outside the court, a frustrated Kaplan, Federline’s lawyer, said, “It’s a very fluid landscape that’s changing day by day.” (source)

Well that’s the understatement of the millenium so far.  Two new lawyers?  A tax audit?  Streisand??  I thought soap operas were hard to follow.  All that’s missing is for the ‘real’ Britney to come out of the woods and tell the world that the ‘fake’ Britney is actually a woman she paid to be her double but then the double had the real Britney kidnapped but then couldn’t handle the strain of being in the media spotlight.

Oh laugh, but right now; it would not surprise me one bit.

She looks like a lot of strippers I know… 

Dammit, here I am getting ready for work (at the “real” job) and I find out that Britney Spears has apparently gone crackers.  Again.

From reports of an attempted suicide (X17) and erratic driving (People); Britney’s cuckoo doctor psychiatrist decided it was best that she be locked up placed under medical supervision, which is a good thing; apparently Britney is accusing her mom of sleeping with Adnan (TMZ).  Also from the same post…

Our sources say Britney said she was on Adderall, a stimulant used to treat Attention Deficit Disorder, and was taking up to ten laxatives a day. Side note — cameras caught Spears a few days ago picking up a bagful of laxatives.

Well I always knew Britney was full of shit.

In any case, her psychiatrist has signed off on a 5150 and got a judge to agree to it.  What this means is that Britney will probably be held to early Sunday morning.  Further, the shrink and the judge can forcibly hold for up to 14 days if it’s warranted.

This is what happens when your friends and family are shit and only care about milking the money tit.

One is a frog, the other is a French stereotype.
ContactMusic.com:

BRITNEY SPEARS‘ comeback album BLACKOUT has been named album of the year by French radio station NRJ. The ceremony, which took place on Saturday in Cannes, praised the troubled star’s latest effort, which fought off competition from Amy Winehouse, Mika, James Blunt and Rihanna.

The awards also saw Justin Timberlake and Avril Lavigne honoured, landing gongs for best International Male and Female respectively. R+B star Rihanna, who picked up International Song of the Year for Don’t Stop The Music, debuted a new shorter hairstyle at the French ceremony. Winehouse, who was up for International Revelation and International Album, was scheduled to perform at the event - but was unable to honour the appearance after she was admitted to rehab in London on Thursday.

Way to go France!  You finally get some respect for having the hottest first lady ever and then you have to fuck it up by giving the best album of the year to Britney??  Damn, you all are group of tone-deaf dickweeds.  That crap album is so damn overproduced Ashley Simpson could have done the vocals and probably would’ve won album of the year!

Hell, Amy Winehouse would’ve been a better choice - she maybe a coked-out, anorexic, psychotic, twig of a woman but at least she show’s some talent!

Personally, I would prefer bathing in 18-year-old redheads, but to each their own…

From ContactMusic.com:

BRITNEY SPEARS‘ legal team has withdrawn a request to quit the pop star’s child custody case. Attorneys for Los Angeles legal company Trope + Trope filed a motion requesting permission to withdraw as the singer’s counsel at the beginning of January. Her lawyers cited a “communication breakdown” with Spears for the request. Los Angeles Commissioner Scott Gordon, who has overseen Spears’ custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline, agreed to set a date for a hearing into the lawyers’ request. But now Sorrel Trope and his colleagues have called off the 4 February hearing, according to TMZ.com. Trope + Trope representatives appeared to be tired of Spears’ courthouse tardiness when she failed to appear for an emergency custody hearing on Tuesday. The troubled pop star arrived at the courthouse in Los Angeles and passed through a metal detector, but reports suggest she fled before actually entering court. When an impatient Gordon asked Spears’ lawyer if the client would be appearing before him, as scheduled, he was told, “I don’t know whether she’ll be here or not.”

Okay, obviously something must have happened between the time they wanted to bail and today and Lord knows it ain’t communication. Since they requested to be removed, their client had a nervous breakdown, developed an English accent, went to Mexico with a paparazzi guy, and lost her kids.

I can only guess she had someone drive a dumptrunk full of money into their offices and gave it to them to bathe in (kinda like Uncle Scrooge does in his money bin). Of course, it could be they got sexual favors out Britney … but I’d like to think that even lawyers have standards (no matter how low they might be).

Also, I’ve officially decided that Adnan is “going for the money” because while his wife is not exactly a stunner; I’d still pick her over the sow with two piglets.  >oink<>oink<

NOT Britney Spears … not even close.
Of course, today is the day that Britney Spears needs to get her shit together in front of the judge, else she ain’t gonna see her “chillins” no mo’.  Of course, I hoping she continues to use that lame ass fake British accent she apparently picked up at Cedars-Sinai:

BRITNEY SPEARS has baffled fans - by inheriting her British boyfriend’s accent and conversing with paparazzi in her new adoptive tongue. On Friday, the singer told snappers to “Please stop it… Leave me alone” in a clear British accent upon leaving pal Sam Lufti’s car, before getting into another vehicle, driven by her new boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib. And on Sunday, the Toxic star was seen leaving department store Macy’s with Ghalib, when she again chose to ditch her Louisiana accent for her new twang of choice. But it’s not the first time Spears has employed the fake British tones - she is reported to have spoken almost entirely in an English accent the night she was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles earlier this month. (source)

Of course, a stroke at this point would be the only that could explain the nuclear pile that is Britney.

(P.S. - in case you’re wondering; it’s Kate Winslet up on top.) 

On another Earth; Britney is STILL hot and making decent music.

Well, apparently, Britney has taken her “Tabloid Armageddon” Tour to Mexico:

Britney Spears and her new fling, Adnan Ghalib, have made a run south of the border.

According to a newspaper in Ensenada, Mexico, El Vigia, the pop star, 26 and her married beau, 35, arrived at the Rosarito Beach Hotel at about 3 p.m. yesterday in a Black Escalade.

The pair checked into a $235-a-night junior suite for one night.

“When I saw her, I asked her for a photo and an autograph but she didn’t want to,” said an employee, who described her as wearing a pink wig, jeans and black boots.

During their stay at the hotel, Spears and Ghalib hit up its souvenir shop — where they spent $60 on a fake Gucci handbag, another orange bag and a rosary for Ghalib.

Spears was also sent a free basket of Mexican candy to her room. (source)

Of course what stands out of all this is the rosary.  Motherfucker Adnan (literally) is probably gonna need divine intervention to get thru a night of sex with Britney.  Plus, $60 bucks for a fake Gucci?  Shit, I can find those at the flea market here for about $20 and they look less fake than those in Mexico.  She got ripped off … twice.

I’m also wondering how long it took her to hose down all that Mexican candy….

And how much wound up in her vag…

And how much of THAT will be on eBay by March.

Cajun Airbag

(yup, still drinkin’)

Well, apparently due to her “troubles” both PETA and Mr. Blackwell have crossed Britney Spears off their respective “Worst Dressed Lists”. See, they fell it’s “inappropriate”.

Animal charity People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals has removed Britney Spears from its annual worst-dressed list following the pop superstar’s recent hospitalisation and mental evaluation. The singer was leading PETA’s online worst-dressed celebrity poll, but bosses at the organisation have decided to leave Spears alone in the wake of her ongoing troubles. PETA’s Dan Matthews says, “At this point, Britney needs a break - from everybody. Maybe when her head is clear, she’ll have a change of heart about wearing fur. If not, we’ll be back biting at her heels.” Meanwhile, supermodel Kate Moss is leading the PETA poll. Matthews adds, “Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super tramp like a fur coat.”

As previously reported, designer Mr. Blackwell also spared Spears in his 47th annual worst-dressed women list, announced on Tuesday, explaining, “I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval.”

Um … what?

Let me see if I got this straight. Most of the civilized world has known for a fact that she’s nuts on some level. At NO POINT it occurred to anyone that she needed help? Not when she was driving with the baby on her lap? Not when she stripped to her panties and dipped in the ocean? Not when she stripped off and put another pair of panties at the Hustler store? No one, I mean NO ONE thought she needed help? Not her family? Not her friends? Not her lovers? Not her assistants?

And NOW - now that she has a breakdown we cut her some slack? Fuck NO. I don’t care if that’s the “unpopular” opinion. Britney put herself in this predicament. She’s the one who sought the limelight. She’s the one who flirts with the Paps. She’s the one who manages to nuke her own comeback.

Let’s make this REAL easy. At ANY point, has she mentioned she needs help? No. Not one iota. Has she made even an attempt to avoid the spotlight. Not even - in fact she looks for it.

Finally, these people who go “oh, we need to give her a break” - yeah, I didn’t see them wondering “maybe we shouldn’t be doing this” at any point until she actually melted down. Hell, they were relishing in it for fodder. All I can say is “fucking wimps” - it’s all fun and games til someone loses an eye, eh? (rolls eyes) Whatever, pansies.