CelebrityFIST!

All that’s missing is me and my dog collar…

I’ve been a ba-a-a-a-a-d boy!

Actress Rosario Dawson was given unusual punishments when she misbehaved as a child - her mother would lick her.

The Sin City star attempted to remain on her best behavior while growing up in New York City, because she knew her mum Isabel would reprimand her with her tongue if she was naughty.

She tells the New York Times, “My mom licked me - that was her punishment. If I was a little uppity or if I didn’t listen or if she wanted to get my attention, she’d lick the side of my face or under my armpit.

“My mom’s a six-foot-tall amazon and she’d say, ‘You came out of my vagina and I own every part of you,’ and she’d lick me like I was her wee pup and she was a lioness. It was humiliating and really intense. Very primal. It’s not spanking, but it definitely works.” (IMDB)

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Um, wow.  That’s certainly a unique take on discipline.  Well, actually that type of discipline is probably available with Visa,  Mastercard, or even Discover (you have to call around).

Seriously, though the thought of Rosario Dawson licking when I’ve been bad is … um, excuse for a minute….

I suddenly want to hear Lou Reed’s Transformer album…
I saw this and I can only think Jude Law actually looks better than Amy Winehouse as a woman.  Then again, at this point I would probably look better than Winohouse as a lady.  Come to think of it, she looks better as a man already than I do!

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Damn, painted myself into a corner again.

Anyhoo, Jude is all gussied up because he is playing a transvestite (NOT from Transylvania) in a film called Rage.  His character is called ‘Minx’.  *Urp*  Sorry, threw up a little there.  Blech.

No doubt by sheer coincidence, the Hollywood heart-throb’s latest screen incarnation bears an uncanny resemblance to Miss [Sadie] Frost, his ex-wife and mother of his four children.

Rage, which also stars Lily Cole -  who Law has been romantically linked to in the past  -  is being shown in competition at the International Berlin Film Festival, which begins today.

Director Sally Potter said: ‘Jude, whose beauty has sometimes been held against him as an actor, made the courageous decision to accept the role and took on a kind of hyper-beauty for this persona, a “female” beauty which gradually unravels as the story unfolds.’ [UK Daily Mail]

So I decided to look up Ms. Sadie Frost and let you decide for yourself.  Starting to look alike?

According to People magazine, this is not an ad for the latest Jessica Alba movie but a new ad she’s in for Declare Yourself which apparently wants us to do something (I think voting but I’m not sure).

“I think it is important for young people to be aware of the need we have in this country to get them more active politically,” says Alba. “People respond to things that are shocking.”

The dramatic image “really resonates” with the issue of voting, according to the 27-year-old star. “If you don’t register and vote and make a difference, and hopefully change the bad things that are happening in our country, you are essentially just binding and muzzling yourself.”

Okay, I guess it is about voting.

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Well, this ad works either way. If you have the hots for Jessica; seeing her in bondage delights the kink in you.

Or, you’ve gotten tired of all her bitching and are just glad she’s finally got her damn mouth shut.

Guess which side of the fence, I’m on!

Ah, Gisele Bundchen. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

Doggie, Missionary, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Spooning, … you get the idea.

Anyway, here’s a photoshoot from “V” magazine. I’m not sure, but I don’t think this is a spinoff of that movie “V for Vendetta”. On the other hand, if Gisele’s in I’d watch the sequel!

By the way, somehow I don’t see these … ahem … “clothes” making to Wal-Mart. Just a guess. Plus, the nose ring really doesn’t do anything for me. But she can put a ring anywhere she wants!

While I’m on the subject of nose rings… seriously, what’s the deal? A tongue stud I can understand, but when was the last time anyone had sex in their nostril?

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On second thought, let me just forget I asked that question.

Okay, long time readers of this blog (which in the scheme of things means a few weeks) know that I am a pervert and I am proud of that fact.  Being the perv I am; it takes ALOT to make me flinch.  Hell, “2Girls1Cup”?  Nothing, in fact I was asking what the big deal was.

THIS made me flinch.

I like anime.  I’ve even seen anime porn.  But this?  Whoa.  Here’s Fleshbot’s take on it:

Are Real Dolls a little too “real” and mature looking for your tastes … you know, like they look like they’re going to ask you to remember to take out the garbage once you’re done having your way with them? Do you secretly fantasize about making it with the Bratz Dolls’ older, curvier sisters? Well, it’s your lucky year: the brand new Boy Toy Dolls are just what you’ve been looking for Handcrafted by the creator of Real Doll, they promise to offer all the real(ish) sensations of your favorite plastic sex surrogate with stylized, outsized anime-like facial features that are just the thing if you’ve ever fantasized about going on a date with Sailor Moon. But act fast, because these babes come in strictly limited quantities: “Each Boy Toy is named after a month, and the quantity of each doll that will be made will be equal to the number of days in that month. There will only be 31 Miss December dolls, 31 Miss January, etc.” They grow up so fast, don’t they?

Yes, for only $7500 you too can fuck something that fell out Japanese porn comic.  Okay, I can possibly see where you might spend money for a Real Doll - granted you’re slightly unhinged but at least she looks real.  These BoyToys however mean that not only can you not find a real woman to fuck, but you don’t anything to do with fucking reality (pun intended).

Yikes.

No thanks, I’ll stick to porn.  That’s enough fantasy for me.

P.S. — I decided that in the interests of journalistic integrity you all would be allow to see just how complete these dolls are (especially since you all are to chicken to actually go there yourselves); so graphic pics after the jump…

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Remember when she was this hot? Yeah, me neither.

Well, I’m skipping the Chinese adoption thing, the fact that her album is now tanking – hard, and her latest upskirt (yawn). My poor brain can only tolerate so much stress. I will note that there are sex lives of some celebs I am curious about. But Britney? Uh, no. She lands somewhere between Zac Efron and Gus Van Zandt…

…and I don’t even know who the FUCK they are!

Anyway – it seems that the newest “scandal” (“Britney scandal”? Talk about redundant.) is her “sex palace” (*gasp*). From that monolith of journalism, The New York Daily News (via The Star):

(Star Magazine) alleges that the plummeting pop star’s Mulholland Drive mansion is equipped with a double-locked, X-rated “Fantasy Room” filled with ticklers, whips and fur-trimmed handcuffs hanging from the metal bedframe. (Please, hold your shudders until the end.)

The second-floor room also features a mirrored ceiling, a glass jar containing spanking paddles and a closet full of kinky outfits, according to an “insider” who stumbled into the den of sin.

“She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid’s uniform and a Cinderella outfit,” claims the mole. The source also contends Brit is so obsessed with Marilyn Monroe that she wants her nose redone to look like the blond model of self-destruction.

As the saying goes: this was where I threw up a little.

Nothing says “fuck me” like a trailer trash hooker dressed up in a schoolgirl uniform. Her beer gut hanging out and wobbling while she tries to sing “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)”.

*HORRRK!*

Shit. It reminds of the time I went to this little “stripclub” which was actually a bar with a pole in the middle of the floor. The bartendress would serve drinks for about 5 minutes then go to the pole, strip, move pathetically, get no tips, and then go back to the bar to serve drinks.

I stopped going there after a couple of years.

(Yeah, there’s also a bit about her house stinking like dog & baby shit; but c’mon – like that’s a fuckin’ surprise.)

You and I both know that anyone THIS proud of her tongue has been using it.  ALOT.  I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s caught in the next year sucking someone off on Rodeo Drive.  In the afternoon.  On video.  In surround sound.

On second thought, someone just give her dick already!

Can you be my Daddy?
That pillar of metrosexuality machismo that is GQ has named Hayden Panettierre it’s 2007 “Obsession of the Year” which is much better than their second choice, Britney Spears (just kidding). This comes as no surprise here at Chaoz Central since we’ve had a thing for the blonde pixie since she turned 18 (for legal reasons), of course this wouldn’t mean shit unless there was some pictures to go with this … lo & behold here they are!

You gotta at least give GQ credit for not making the “Lolita” undertones subtle. Only one missing is one with her in a baby’s bonnet sucking on her thumb in clear heels.

This is one of the entries that just gonna be a rant, so I’m warning you now - if you don’t wanna read, move on to the next link cuz I’m gonna get wordy. Also: WARNING - post should not be read anywhere near mealtime!!

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