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Archive for the “Got Milk?” Category
No no no! I warned you about the glass door! Christina Aguilera’s post-pregnancy obviously has been a double-edged sword. While her boobs seem fatter than ever; her face seems to have taken a trip to the butter aisle. Don’t get me wrong; I love big natural boobs but with the current state of her face, it’s paperbag time for me. … What? I’m a picky sonuvbitch. Fuck you.
I like big boobs and I cannot lie … but goddamn! It almost appears that Christina Aguilera’s milk jugs are S T R E T C H I N G her skin to the limit! If you look carefully you can actually see the blood cells flowing through the veins. Niiiiiiiiice. Oh and make sure you show them off, too. If feel kinda bad though that this isn’t the “old” Christina; she probably would have popped those puppies out and gone “Who wants a milk shower!?” I would have had a glass ready.    
I’m sure Christina Aguilera did something newsworthy. Maybe she save a bunch of kittens on the side of the road or maybe she found the cure for cancer. Or - maybe she flashed just enough breast to make us wonder how far her milk streams go. I dunno, I’m not psychic. Oh yeah, here some pics.
That reminds me, I need to buy some milk. In case you don’t know who she is here’s a crash course: two-time finalist in the 2005 Girl’s Singles Championship at Wimbledon and at the US Open - Girls’ Singles in 2006. Powerful and strong, Paszek is known for her vicious two-handed backhand(source). Plus, she’s got really big knockers (yeah, I know usually it’s “boobs” but I’m trying to change it up a bit). This little number was what she was what she was wearing at The Australian Open the other day. She probably anticipated her early exit so decided to leave an impression(s) on everyone there:
Is this “tennis” anything like that old game “Pong”? I mean, because that’s a long time to be sitting in front of the TV. (yeah, I knew that joke was gonna suck and I still posted it…) Here’s some more pics (incuding the fact that this is not the first time she takes tries to make it a 3-on-1 match):
Jan
10
2008
 
Danielle Riley or “The Reason God Gave Men A Dick” (NSFW)Posted by: Chaoz in Gratuitous Goodies, Got Milk?
Click the pic to avoid all the rambling. Yeah, normally I would save this stuff for the end of the week, but 1) I doubt I’ll remember on Saturday, and (2) fuck it, it’s my blog and if it’s gonna take a left turn it’s for a damn good reason! Which brings me back to Danielle Riley. I’d host the pics but that would take too fucking long (my connection sucks, sue me - I’ve got AT&T). Anyway, she’s…
See, you might have expected the last one, but I have such a hard-on for Jill Hennessey. She reminds of the type of woman who plays pool and drinks beer. She might even beat you when you’re having a bad night but then to make it up to you, she’ll blow you in the parking lot. Yeah….. … … Oh, sorry. Daydreaming there. Um … where was I? Oh YEAH! Danielle Riley looks like a “ball park Jill Hennessey” to me (she’s plumped up cuz you cooked her). Probably helps if you have the link, too. BONUS - a short video of her spanking her nipples. Yeah, you read right.
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for a blogger to search for weird shit which is different from any other and to assume among the powers of the Internet, the silly and tantalizing station to which the Laws of Perversion and of Nature’s fetish entitles them, a decent video to the malehood of Mankind which requires the blogger to declare the reason of such uniqueness.
With that atrocious intro (with a help of “TJeff”) - I give you “The Ultimate Chubby”: Fucko - I mean Fuko. Here’s the pertinent info (straight from Wiki) Birthday: February 10, 1988 (age 19) Birthplace: Okinawa, Japan Measurements: 120-60-88 (cm) / 47-24-35 (inch) / P-cup in Japan Height: 1.52m (4ft, 12in) …. why not just say 5′0″???
This is probably the type of woman Sir Mix-a-Lot was talking about in that song of his. Apparently, she used to do topless but now does “teaser” videos. TEASER videos?? Christ, who is fucking masochistic enough for THAT!? I mean looking at porn is one thing - you’re jacking to raw sex. Looking at nude videos is okay I guess - you’re jacking to what the model MIGHT do. But looking at teasers is just plain sad - you’re fapping to a body you WISH you could see and wondering what she might do in bed??? :::rolls eyes::: Oh, found some nude pics of her. Her areolas are the size of 1/3 of her face. No really. And you could feed an African village with her tits for a year. —–> (more…)
Dec
04
2007
Got Milk? Because J.Lo. Doesn’t…Posted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Baby on Board, Got Milk?
Ahhh, motherhood. Time in the life when a woman gives off a glow as if beaming from heaven as she nurtures the new life inside of her. ….Aw, fuck that. This is when the guy fucks up and buys his condoms at the 99 cent store. It’s when he realizes that he’s the father because no one else in their right mind would fuck this woman. She blows up like a balloon, eats for 14, wants the perfect baby shower with violins and champagne (never mind that she can’t drink) and reminds you why you never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. Which brings me to Jennifer Lopez. Or at least I think it’s her. She might be in a fat suit for a movie. I dunno, I can never tell. All I know is when I see these pics, I’m reminded of Weird Al Yankovic’s “Eat It” video. Also, I feel bad for her kid. I mean, Salma Hayek apparently has enough milk to feed a Third World nation and even Christina Aguilera & Halle Berry are lugging around milk jugs. But, J.Lo? Nope, she’s lucky if she’s got enough to fill one of those little milk cartons I used to get in school. I ALWAYS opened those from the wrong side!!! Shit.
Calendars are important things to have. They allow us to figure out when a bill is due and just how many days late we can let it slide before the calls start coming. Also, we can write a check and figure out how soon we need to have money in the bank before the check bounces. Oh yeah, also to remember what birthdays parents, spouses, lovers, siblings, relatives, and the like have as well as various special days (birthdays, anniversaries, “that time of the month”, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Spiro Agnew’s Birthday, last blowjob, next blowjob, etc.). This is something we’ll see all year. So you have to make it something worth looking at. And gentleman - THIS is the only calendar you need for 2008. The UK Magazine “Nuts” (appropriate for a men’s mag) has come out with a delicious calendar for ‘08. In case you don’t recognize the names, I was kind enough to bring along pictures (NSFW). You can see them after the jump. Almost makes you want to look forward to next year.
Nov
26
2007
Gemma Atkinson’s a teasePosted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Gratuitous Goodies, Got Milk? What is it about England that makes their women grow such big boobs? Is it all that Guinness? Or maybe it’s soggy weather they get? Or (heaven forbid) - it’s their food? ::shudder:: Rather not think about that now. Anyway, we have today the lovely Gemma Atkinson; just another in a loooong line of big-busted Brits. I don’t how they do it; I just hope those Limeys just keep sending them across the pond.
Nov
25
2007
Anna Semenovich … YES, that’s her real name.Posted by: Chaoz in Miscellaneous Shit, Gratuitous Goodies, Got Milk? Found this lovely lady on Horny Oyster which sounds like an oxymoron or something, but never mind that. Here’s all I know about her: She’s Russian. She’s 26. She used to be a figure skater. She has a name that automtically makes you think of sex. And something else… Oh yeah, a chest that doubles a floatation device. You know what? That last part is all you really need to know.       BONUS - found some more revealing pics (nonnude though)… after the jump |
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