CelebrityFIST!

Even I can look hotter than this (and that’s saying something)

Man, now if I told you that I have pictures of a 22 and 16 year surfing in their two-piece bikinis that they’d be great pics right?

WRONG.

Man, I still will do Lindsay but WTF is up with Ali’s chest!?  Sweet Mother McCree, her chest looks like Tori Spelling’s!  Though I admit Ali probably weighs more. 

Well, I admit these pics are a disappointment, so if I had see them so should you. You can cuss me out later.

Words actually fail me here…
Well, sometimes this is too easy (even for weretardo me).  Here are some pics of the Lohan sisters going shopping.  Now under normal circumstances these would be mundane pics, if not outright boring.

Of course, no one has ever accused Lindsay and Ali Lohan of being “normal”.

So what we get instead is older sister (all of 22!) flashing side-boob like it meant human life dependent on her doing it.  Worse still, ‘little’ Ali (15 going on 51) is dressed in daisy dukes that look like they should be worn by Shauna Sand - and that AIN’T a compliment.

Of course, what saddens me is that even the jailbait is not enticing.  How in the hell do you pull that off?  Really??  Jailbait dressed in ho-shorts and she STILL manages to look bad.    Its like going into a hamburger shop and they’re outta ground meat.  WTF?

Not that Lindsay is looking THAT much better but if you live in Hollywood and are still less hotter than your older, train-wreck, lesbian-leaping, cock-sucking, car-wrecking, drug-addled, hard-partying sister; you have got SERIOUS problems.

…

Shit, even Rumer Willis looks better right now. 

It’s been twenty years?

Alright - disclaimer time:  All pictures in this post are readily available from Milla Jovovich’s OFFICIAL website MillaJ.com.  So don’t go ripping my head off about the pictures.  Ok?  Ok.

Not that that’s over with.

I came across HomicidalInsomniac’s post on Milla and a couple of pics from 1988.  Mind you she’s only like 13 at the time.  What surprised me is how her face remains practically unchanged in the last twenty years.  At the same time there’s another pic which shows you she literally is still a child.

This kinda intrigued me so I decided to do a little research and found some pics that show both the ‘adult’ and ‘child’ in her.  What really surprised me was she actually started modeling at 12 years old!  Cripes.  However, I give you kudos for somehow keeping her head on totally straight.  Hell, her head might be screwed on better than mine.

Anyway, here’s a small sampling of photos taken from ‘88-’93:  Intriguing to see the subtle changes.  (Relax no ‘bad photos’ after the jump - just kinda long post…
(more…)

Meanwhile, Humbert Humbert is plotting…
*sigh*
Remember that rant I had about Miley Cyrus just a day or so ago?  Well, when I mentioned “nipslip” I was referring to what happened during a photoshoot while she was on a horse.  But lo and behold, she flashes sideboob!  This time she’s shopping and someone manages to take snips of her trying something out.  Okay, this is where it gets complicated for me.

• Why is she not wearing a bra?
• If she’s just trying it on … where the HELL is she gonna wear that ‘blouse’??  A lolita convention?
• Would you let your kid (and lets face it, legally she still is) wear that ANYWHERE???

You know it’s actually illegal in Texas to photograph young girls in potentially compromising positions in public?  Like cheerleaders at a football game or something.  No, really.  So the guy who took these pics would be in a shitload of trouble over here?  Over there? Eh.
Yeah, I’m not gonna lie - I’d do Miley if she wanted my dick wrapped in a bow on her 18th birthday.  Hell, I’ll let her daddy sing “Achy Breaky Heart” if he wants to while she’s going down on me.  When she’s legal.  Otherwise, this shit sucks right now as far as I’m concerned.

And YES, you can look at the pics over here (I’m not hotlinking them on principle and legal advice).
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Meanwhile in the other corner of the Lolita Apocalypse we have Ali Lohan.  Now, Ali Lohan is potentially a worse case because 1) she obviously is enjoying the ‘attention’ and 2) her mother (Dina “do my daughters” Lohan) is no doubt behind the mechinations.   Man, we thought Lindsay was fucked up in the head??  Holy crap, Ali may need the mother of therapy courses when all is said and done.

There’s a thin line between advertising and exploitation.  Dina is approximately 10000 miles over that line.  Christ, the kid’s 15 going on 50 and will be doing the shit her sister’s doing by the time she’s 17 (if she’s not already doing it now).

What I said about Miley doesn’t even apply to Ali.  She’s a fucking mental mess.  Even now, she looks likely to cut your dick off, cook it bacon grease, and forcefeed it to you.

Her pics will be found here.
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Dammit I need a drink…

Don’t look at with lust, there’s a cop in the right corner!!
I hate brats like Miley Cyrus.  No, really.  Especially when they dress like this.  I hear it: “But it’s a dress! She’s not revealing any skin!  You’re just a dirty old man!”

Well, yes I am and fuck you.

This is what gets me.  She collects a zillion dollars a month, her boyfriend basically lives with her so they can fuck snuggle in peace, she takes pictures of herself on her phone nearly naked.  And then we had…

THE NIPSLIP!

Only it wasn’t.  I didn’t bother posting it up because it was a non-issue.  No nipple slip.  Why?  Because any shots actually taken were so blurry you couldn’t see shit.  The hilarious part was that some were constituting the pics (such as they were) as illegal to post or even view.

…

And then she comes out looking like this in ‘everyday’ clothes?!  I’m calling “shenanigans”.  She’s wearing 3 inch heels (minimum) and the skirt is about 4 inches above the knee.  Dress like that in high school, you get detention (or straight A’s).  BUT since she’s Miley (”I’m Innocent“) Cyrus, she gets away with it.

I say - she wears a BIG ass orange construction sign that says I AM NOT LEGAL YET and not make a SINGLE dime if she shows more than an ankle, until she turns 18.

FEH!!!   >:(

Gallery courtesy of CelebrityOdor

[caption deleted per legal advisement]
Two important facts: 1) The age of consent in the US is 18 (16 in some places); 2) Miley Cyrus is 15 (barely).

You have been warned….

From TVShark.com:

The multi-talented Miley Cyrus showed another one of her hidden talents during an appearance on ‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno’ — she likes to drink ketchup right from the bottle.“You also drink ketchup, which seems odd,” Jay said to Miley. “There’s nothing odd about it,” she replied. “It’s just good.”

Leno asked his audience: “Is it odd to drink ketchup from the bottle?”

“But it’s really good. If it tastes good, what does it matter?” Miley said. “It’s a liquid technically. It’s half the calories.”

So Leno grabbed a bottle of ketchup and put ‘Hannah Montana’ to the test.

“Wait, I gotta shake it. Sorry if it gets everywhere,” Miley said before she popped the cap and downed the ketchup, proudly showing off her mouth full of ketchup.

…

I’ll wait until she turns 18 til I say anything about this.

BONUS:  Here’s a video link (I had 6 different YouTube links but for some reason it’s being taken down for “copyright reasons”)

Dramatization of News Article
Nope, someone apparently has a more mad-on for Miley Cyrus than most of us saner folk.  See, I hate Miley Cyrus.  Why?  Maybe because she looks like a piggy (as noted yesterday).  Or maybe because I generally hate kids.  Most likely though, I fail to understand how she is such a “big star” if I didn’t know who the hell she was six months ago.  I mean, I remember seeing “Hannah Montana” CDs and stuff but I figured that was like “Raffi” or “Dora The Explorer”.  All I know is I wake up one day and Miley-freakin’-Cyrus is a “cultural phenomenon”!?  Who fell asleep at that wheel???

I still have the same problem with “High School Musical”, but I digress…

Authorities have charged a teenage boy who said he planned to hijack a commercial jetliner in an attempt to commit suicide, an FBI spokesman said late Thursday.

The 16-year-old was taken into custody by airport police without incident on Tuesday evening after flying from Los Angeles, California, to Nashville, Tennessee, on Southwest Airlines Flight 284.

“His stated intent was to hijack the airplane and commit suicide,” said George Bolds, an FBI spokesman in Memphis, Tennessee. “He did indicate he intended to die in Louisiana. It appears he had a ticket to Louisiana.”

The teen wanted to crash the plane into a Hannah Montana concert in Lafayette, Louisiana, two CNN television affiliates in Nashville, WSMV and WTVF, reported, citing unnamed sources. The concert is scheduled for Friday night at the Lafayette Cajundome.(source)

Then Fox News added this tidbit:

Bolds said the teen was calm throughout the flight and never made an attempt to hijack the plane but told the FBI after he was apprehended about his original plans to commandeer the aircraft. Authorities searched the teen’s home in California and found a mock cockpit.(source)

Yikes.  I mean I would like to see Hannah and all of her rabid fans in a smoldering crater, but damn there are better things in life.  “Porn” comes immediately to mind.

Another thing, I just love how news services always use that ever reliable “unnamed source”.  Hmm, okay….

“Unnamed sources” to me say that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton had a threesome with me last week.

….and they DID - dreams are a wonderful thing… 

Well, I can’t tell the difference!
This is why I post at night, because all the really retarded shit tends to slink onto the Net at this time.

(yes, I count my post as “retarded shit” as well)

Take for example this lovely piece of news.

MILEY CYRUS and her pop star alter ego HANNAH MONTANA are heading to the big screen. Following the success of the High School Musical movies, Disney wants Cyrus to conquer cinemas, after becoming a TV hit and selling out an entire live concert tour. Sources tell Star magazine writers are working on the script, and Disney bosses hope to star shooting later this year. An insider tells the tabloid, “The movie is set to begin filming this summer and the script, which needs a little tweaking, has been greenlighted for the past few months.” (source)

…

Actually, while I’m sure children (which are now officially dumber than the previous generation) will just drool mindlessly at the screen watching Miley being Hannah (who’s being Miley in real life, anyway); I’ve noticed something kinda disturbing.

She’s looking a little on the piggy side, don’tchya think??

I mean, her calves are something you could find on a prize pig and her face is getting those jowls real early. I think on an alternate Earth, she’s got 2 kids already and is sitting in front of the “teevee” while watching Dr. Phil and eating ice cream with a soup spoon.

That reminds me, I need to buy some milk.
There are times when I wonder about the state of the world.  No really!  With all the wars, death, destruction, financial ruin.  Personally I blame it on 17-year-olds like Tamira Paszek.

In case you don’t know who she is here’s a crash course:  two-time finalist in the 2005 Girl’s Singles Championship at Wimbledon and at the US Open - Girls’ Singles in 2006. Powerful and strong, Paszek is known for her vicious two-handed backhand(source).

Plus, she’s got really big knockers (yeah, I know usually it’s “boobs” but I’m trying to change it up a bit).

This little number was what she was what she was wearing at The Australian Open the other day.  She probably anticipated her early exit so decided to leave an impression(s) on everyone there:

Had it happened at Wimbledon, the sight of Tamira Paszek lunging around in a flimsy vest and straining sports bra would have left many venerable members of the All-England Club choking on their strawberries.

The 17-year-old Austrian nearly pulled off the shock of the day at the Australian Open but it was more for her choice of tennis attire that she’ll live long in the memories of those present.

Her third seed opponent, Serbian Jelena Jankovic, had to saved three match points to edge Paszek 2-6, 6-2, 12-10 in an opening-day marathon in the first Grand Slam tournament of the year.

The deciding set included 15 breaks of serve and took 1 hour, 56 minutes.

Is this “tennis” anything like that old game “Pong”?  I mean, because that’s a long time to be sitting in front of the TV.

(yeah, I knew that joke was gonna suck and I still posted it…) 

Here’s some more pics (incuding the fact that this is not the first time she takes tries to make it a 3-on-1 match):