CelebrityFIST!

You know those machines where two people get in and get a picture taken and then we see what their kid is suppose to look like?  The computer had a better image that time.
I was gonna post something about Britney and her putting her life together by putting a restraining on both her ex-manager (Sam Lufti) and ex-boyfriend/papparazzi (Adnoids Ghalib).

Feh, that’s boring (but here).

On the other hand this stood out.  Rumer Willis at the Push premiere.  Ya know, the MC of the Golden Globes (or was that last year?  I frankly don’t care) and all that?  I actually feel sorry for her.  No really.  She’s got her daddy’s chin and mother’s forehead (or is it the other way around in reverse?).  Hell maybe her forehead IS on her chin.  I dunno.  Anyway.

Gallery courtesy of DListed

Celebslam’s got a nice excerpt up of the new ‘tell-all’ book about Paris Hilton.  Six Degrees of Paris Hilton by Mark Ebner goes on sale next week and some of the stuff in the book deals with interviews of the guy who bought a shitload of stolen Hilton tapes and he basically spills the beans on whats on them.
I realize this sounds kinda lame but the excerpt is interesting nevertheless…

Paris and Nick Carter at the Las Ventanas resort in Cabo San Lucas: “The video opens with Nick holding the camera as Paris opens her luggage. She pulls out a huge ziplock bag full of weed. She flew drugs into Mexico. Unbelievable. Nick comments on how this tape muster never get out, and Paris says, ‘Yeah, the Paris Hilton Tape, Part Two.’ She breaks the weed down, and rolls a fat joint. They smoke for about ten minutes, go out to the pool, talk a little shit.

[Later,] Paris and Brandon Davis are approached by two effeminate black men at an MTV party who invite them to an event for singer/actress Eve’s new clothing line. Davis initially asks if there will be any women at the party, before they exchange phone numbers. Then, according to Darnell, “On the way to the the Jeep, Brandon says, ‘Stupid fucks,’ talking about the black guys, and Paris says ‘Dirty niggers,’ and they start laughing and jump into the Jeep. You could tell that Paris had tried to erase the tape, because that part had a blur in it, but the words were clear.” (Celebslam)

Now granted, this whole dumb-slut, pot-head, racist-bitch, STD-infested, fake-life, useless-piece-of-gelatinous-bile-in-human-skin act of Paris Hilton is nothing new.  However it’s always nice to read so that when the great revolution comes (probably sponsored by Nike), some little pile of bile will be first up on the wall.

… Well I can dream, can’t I?

Oh goodies, remember those Paris Hilton pics yesterday?  Well, now sister Nikki Hilton gets into the act with her; but not showing as much as her slutty sis.

The obligatory redhead - Alicia Witt still looks good (considering I haven’t seen her in a movie for a decade).

Keira Knightley looking very elegant again (but still in need of a sandwich) 

Jessica Biel showing off one helluva profile (also at the BAFTAs).

And lastly, Brooke Hogan - who likes like she might be the one eating Keira’s sandwiches.

Since “Volume 1″ was misdated - it should have been “2/16/08″.  Whatever…

Caroline Francischini demonstrates the view I’d like to have when I get home … and I’m not talking about the window, either.

Old pictures of Tara Reid - before she became plastic and pickled.  Look into her eyes and you can almost hear the gerbil on it’s treadwheel.

Paris Hilton flashing her gash in see thru panties.  Look at her panties and you almost hear THAT gerbil on it’s treadwheel.

Keira Knightley looking like she might need a sandwich (BAFTA portraits).

Angie Everhart … (drools) … have I mentioned I love redheads in the last 5 minutes??

Last (and least) - Avril Lavigne trying to look sexy/relevant in March’s Maxim (and failing, yet again).

It really is nice to see every once in a while that all is exactly wrong with the world. Kinda like that feeling you get when you find out Santa’s not real or that Paris is still breathing. Which conveniently brings us to Paris Hilton. The “celeb of nothing” was apparently out partying with none other than Britney’s ex Kevin Federline.

Y’know I don’t try to reason this shit out anymore. Everytime I do, my head implodes and it takes a while to get all the pieces back together (I’ve had to number them to simplify the process).

To make matters worse, the two may have even spent some time in Paris’ room. The only reason I don’t believe that is because I am positive that the moment K-Fed stuck it in Paris, it would have created a cosmic singularity that would have destroyed the entire known universe. Kinda like that “Keymaster” and “Gatekeeper” thing from Ghostbusters. Who ya gonna call?

I don’t know how this sounded like even a likeable idea, but Kathy Hilton has decided to raise money for The Make-A-Wish Foundation by auctioning an invite to crash Paris & Nikki’s Party on New Years Eve.  On the plus side is a travel and a room is included.  The bad news is that Paris & Nikki are involved…

From the actual eBay auction page:

One bidder will win a trip to Las Vegas to attend Paris and Nicky Hilton’s New Year’s Eve Party at the club LAX.   The trip will include airfare for the winning bidder and a friend, a hotel stay at the Luxor Hotel and Casino, plus hair and makeup by Paris and Nicky’s very own hair and makeup artist, Michael Boychuck.

…

My first thought was “Boychuck or Boyfuck”?

It’s nice to see that a woman who has God only knows how many millions is auctioning off tickets that have thus far raised only $2880.  Yeah, real good.  Shit, she wants to make money; how about an offer to make a personal sex tape with Paris?  That would actually garner more money that this lame shit.

Hmm, how about “Hilton Foursome Sex Tape”?  Yeah, I’d actually bid on that.  Really.

Well it’s seems to be that time of year again when the gash flash is beginning to bloom again. The good news - it’s not Britney. The bad news - well, it’s Paris (among others).

See ya after the jump (more…)