CelebrityFIST!

Dumb and Dumber 2009

Miss USA runner-up Carrie Prejean has a lot more on her plate to think about than Perez Hilton. She’s got an “opposite” relationship with none other than Michael Phelps!

Her grandmother, Jeanette Coppolla, confirmed the news, saying, “Carrie and Michael have been out to baseball games and lunch. He always calls her when he is in town and they go out.”

Grandmama also states that Carrie’s aware of his rep (he-slut) saying:

“Carrie knows that he has dated a lot of girls but she enjoys going out with him and isn’t serious about being in a relationship with him. He’s a nice guy and she likes him.” (AllieIsWired)

So basically, she’s the “California Ass” in Michael’s Map of the USP (United States of Pussy) and she don’t mind…

BTW - I well aware of all the stupidity regarding Perez Hilton, Miss California, and “the gay question”…

My take?  Perez was being an idiot for asking such a loaded question in a beauty pageant.  Why the fuck was he even judging?  Was Burt Convy dead?  Oh wait, he is…

Second, if difference between winning and losing was one single question then the pageant’s a joke anyway.

Lastly - seriously, if the world is so damn concerned about the opinions of one airheaded blonde; we are in a SHITLOAD of trouble.

I had this whole day planned out.  Post some stuff on the blog, download some porn.  The usual.

But Governor Rick Perry HAS to go and FUCK up my day.

Now, I understand this is not a political blog and Lord knows I don’t want to become one.  That said, rather than attempting to post on every single goddamn site that has our idiot governor spouting shit (and Lord knows there’s plenty).  I’m gonna keep this shit simple and post only once.

As a Texan and American (at least for now, apparently) I would like to take this time to pronounce that our current head-of-da-state is a complete and utter moron.  I have no idea where this shit is coming from.  Apparently, he forgets that even though were the second largest state in the Union, we are HARDLY a solidified state.  There is a mix of races, cultures, religions, lifestyles, etc.

Quick example:  County by county breakdown of the ‘08 election:

Now granted, Texas is a mostly ‘Red’ state but um, if you left it to a county level the ‘Country of Texas’ would probably be minus most of the metropolitan areas and DEFINITELY the southern quarter of the state (aka ‘the poor part’).

It doesn’t bug me when the typical ‘redneck’ idiot spouts secession-talk (there’s a few nutcases in West Texas who do this regulalry)  but when the governor says it - it really pisses me off because he manages to make the ENTIRE state look like complete jackasses.

Yeah, I’m THAT mad about it.

I know the real deal is Texas ain’t going anywhere but - Christ - some people just love to talk outta their asses.  AGH!

Just posting an update on the current ruckus with Rihanna and Chris Brown.  Basically, he has said he’s sorry.  Rihanna supposedly rejected his apology.  But she still loves him.

…

And now THE PICTURE comes out.  Of course, I’m talking about the picture of her with her injuries.  Frankly it’s not a pretty sight and I’m not posting it up directly.  But here’s a link to Drunken Stepfather who has posted up the pick (via TMZ).

Suffice to say she got fucked up pretty good.  Sad.

Unca Chaoz has never struck, choked, or even pushed a woman.  Ok, I pushed my sister once when she was 3 and I was 6 (and promptly got a spanking).  Suffice to say, that while I have been frustrated with women MANY times in my life (as noted by the 14/15 failed romances) - never has it comes to physical confrontation.

*Sigh* that said.  These two have a serious problem.  HE needs to get his act together (what’s left of it) and SHE needs to get off this “But I still love him” bullshit and get some serious fucking counseling.  Because if she goes back to him; no one is gonna help her ass out.

Oh - and to all those that say “Oh I hope this puts the spotlight on Domestic Violence“.  WTF?  How is this gonna make a difference really?  Most people are just gonna say, “Oh look woman, they fight just like we do!“.  Or worse, “just another black couple arguing“.  Argh.  Sometimes my liberal brethren can be really full of shit.  Sincerely.
Please.
Okay - I said my piece about this.  After this the snarks are back…

“One lump or two?”

Yes, I’m going to Hell.  We established this LONG ago…

Once upon a time…

Bill Hicks was a comedian.  Nah, that’s not right.  He was a fucking awesome comedian.  Back on October 1, 1993; he did The Late Night show of David Letterman’s.

It was cut.

Needless to say, Bill was furious about it.  So much so he wrote a 39 page letter to John Lahr of The New Yorker (found here) about being censored.  It was an opportunity to shine.  Actually it was his last also.

What most people didn’t know (including Letterman) was that Bill had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on June 16th which had already metastasized to his liver.  He received chemo but it was far too late already.  He would be dead just 4 months after his deleted Letterman appearance.

I’m not one of those who’d say “Bill Hicks was (a) God”.  However, he was really fucking hilarious and really told it like it is.  His comedy was a mirror to reality; and it wasn’t always a pretty picture.

Last night (30 Jan 09), Letterman invited Bill’s mom on the show and he finally showed the cut piece.  Seeing and hearing Bill’s mom you can see who Bill took after.  Letterman, to his credit, was contrite and extremely apologetic.  He accepted full responsibility for cutting the piece and realize that

“It says more about me as a guy than it says about Bill because there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.”

So, with that as a backdrop, I’m proud to link you to Bill Hicks on Letterman.  I laughed my ass off.

Don’t look at with lust, there’s a cop in the right corner!!
I hate brats like Miley Cyrus.  No, really.  Especially when they dress like this.  I hear it: “But it’s a dress! She’s not revealing any skin!  You’re just a dirty old man!”

Well, yes I am and fuck you.

This is what gets me.  She collects a zillion dollars a month, her boyfriend basically lives with her so they can fuck snuggle in peace, she takes pictures of herself on her phone nearly naked.  And then we had…

THE NIPSLIP!

Only it wasn’t.  I didn’t bother posting it up because it was a non-issue.  No nipple slip.  Why?  Because any shots actually taken were so blurry you couldn’t see shit.  The hilarious part was that some were constituting the pics (such as they were) as illegal to post or even view.

…

And then she comes out looking like this in ‘everyday’ clothes?!  I’m calling “shenanigans”.  She’s wearing 3 inch heels (minimum) and the skirt is about 4 inches above the knee.  Dress like that in high school, you get detention (or straight A’s).  BUT since she’s Miley (”I’m Innocent“) Cyrus, she gets away with it.

I say - she wears a BIG ass orange construction sign that says I AM NOT LEGAL YET and not make a SINGLE dime if she shows more than an ankle, until she turns 18.

FEH!!!   >:(

Gallery courtesy of CelebrityOdor

A little pic for a little mind

Scientologist model Bijou Phillips went off on a tangent about the dangers of psychiatrists medicating depression during a recent interview with Paper Magazine.

“My grandparents didn’t take any pills, and they were fine,” Phillips said in the February issue of Paper. “Just buck up and get over it. Stop being such a f—king pansy.”

The budding actress frequents Scientology-sponsored events and spoke out against psychiatry and prescribing patients with medication for such mental illnesses as depression or anxiety.

Bijou?  Really?  You’re parents were fucking stoned outta their minds for most of their lives.  Your sister Mackenzie had the drug monkey on her back and YOU did enough drugs to keep at least several South American druglords in underage hookers for several years.

YOU are gonna talk about fighting off depression? …. BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Granted some people are just ‘down’, others are ‘blue’; but I’ve seen people with full blown clinical depression.  It ain’t pretty.

Bijou do me a favor and next time you open your mouth, put a dick in it okay?

Bonus - here’s how I prefer to see Bijou (mouth closed at least) HERE (NSFW).

Happier times…
One of the disadvantages of a blog sometimes is the decision whether to run something that will sound contrary to the WHOLE purpose of having a celebrity blog.

But fuck it…

Mel Gibson, Julia Stiles and Monster’s Ball director Marc Forster have taken part in a new 10-page U.S. magazine tribute to tragic movie star Heath Ledger.

The trio are joined by actors, actresses, screenwriters and filmmakers who worked with the late Aussie, who died from an accidental drug overdose last year. (IMDB)

…

Oh give me a break.

First of all let me say that Heath Ledger was a really good actor and, yeah, his Joker was impeccable.  I just wanna know where all this energy from Hollywood and the media was BEFORE he died.

I did a GIS and found 280 articles on from the magazine in question regarding his death.  Everything from “who was his massuese” to the “Mary Kate connection”.  Oh brother.

I have no problem with memorial pieces but 10 pages?!  Personally, I think it’s bad enough that the guy accidentally offed himself and left a young child behind who’s gonna have to bear the burden of not only losing a parent but a parent that the media can’t seem to get enough of.  I’m sure Michelle Williams might appreciate in some way but she and his parents are having enough time dealing with the anniversary as it is.

Quite making off money off his corpse already.  That’s all I’ve got.

(For the record, I don’t make a penny off of this blog; so “nyah”.)

Cajun Airbag

(yup, still drinkin’)

Well, apparently due to her “troubles” both PETA and Mr. Blackwell have crossed Britney Spears off their respective “Worst Dressed Lists”. See, they fell it’s “inappropriate”.

Animal charity People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals has removed Britney Spears from its annual worst-dressed list following the pop superstar’s recent hospitalisation and mental evaluation. The singer was leading PETA’s online worst-dressed celebrity poll, but bosses at the organisation have decided to leave Spears alone in the wake of her ongoing troubles. PETA’s Dan Matthews says, “At this point, Britney needs a break - from everybody. Maybe when her head is clear, she’ll have a change of heart about wearing fur. If not, we’ll be back biting at her heels.” Meanwhile, supermodel Kate Moss is leading the PETA poll. Matthews adds, “Nothing completes the transition from supermodel to super tramp like a fur coat.”

As previously reported, designer Mr. Blackwell also spared Spears in his 47th annual worst-dressed women list, announced on Tuesday, explaining, “I felt that it was inappropriate at this time to make comment, when her personal life is in such upheaval.”

Um … what?

Let me see if I got this straight. Most of the civilized world has known for a fact that she’s nuts on some level. At NO POINT it occurred to anyone that she needed help? Not when she was driving with the baby on her lap? Not when she stripped to her panties and dipped in the ocean? Not when she stripped off and put another pair of panties at the Hustler store? No one, I mean NO ONE thought she needed help? Not her family? Not her friends? Not her lovers? Not her assistants?

And NOW - now that she has a breakdown we cut her some slack? Fuck NO. I don’t care if that’s the “unpopular” opinion. Britney put herself in this predicament. She’s the one who sought the limelight. She’s the one who flirts with the Paps. She’s the one who manages to nuke her own comeback.

Let’s make this REAL easy. At ANY point, has she mentioned she needs help? No. Not one iota. Has she made even an attempt to avoid the spotlight. Not even - in fact she looks for it.

Finally, these people who go “oh, we need to give her a break” - yeah, I didn’t see them wondering “maybe we shouldn’t be doing this” at any point until she actually melted down. Hell, they were relishing in it for fodder. All I can say is “fucking wimps” - it’s all fun and games til someone loses an eye, eh? (rolls eyes) Whatever, pansies.