CelebrityFIST!

Wants to referee the next Celebrity Boxing special
*sigh* In this prejudicial country we call the ‘United’ States (and don’t get me started on THAT); we realize that some people are offended by some things.  That said - stupidity has no race, no gender, no sexual orientation, no political or religious affiliations.  ‘The Stupidity’ kinda like ‘The Force’ - it’s fuckin’ everywhere.

And with that I present to you Kenan Thompson on Chris Brown (ya know, the dude who messed up Rihanna’s face): (boldface’s mine)

Saturday Night Live might still consider having the 19-year-old singer perform in the future, according to series regular Kenan Thompson.

“It’s not up to me, but I’m sure we would if he had another hit single,” Thompson tells Usmagazine.com. “We don’t care about scandal. We just care about what brings us ratings!”

And…

Thompson did not know if SNL — which most recently had the Jonas Brothers perform on their Valentine’s Day episode to boost viewership — invited Brown or Rihanna back to the show.

“If we had them both on the show, that would be crazy,” Thompson told Us at the GBK Luxury Lounge in L.A. on Friday.

Thompson, a regular on the sketch show, says that this particular scandal is “an unfortunate situation.

“I don’t know the whole story, but I know how women can get when you get a text message from another female, so I’m just saying, you have to learn that you can’t put your hands on a female.”

…

…

Hmm.  Sounds like this guy’s might be going back to tell jokes at the Chuckle Hut on Open Mike night again or maybe go back to “Fat Burger”.  Who cares?

Yeah, yeah - PETA had an ad apparently banned from airing during the Super Bowl.  Big … deal.  Seriously, I like some of what PETA does but I’m sorry, I like a burger, okay?  Fur?  No.  Steak?  Yeah.

Anyway, PETA probably knew that the ad wouldn’t be aired but now it can go viral (which if you think about it is a HELLUVA lot cheaper in today’s economy) so I give them kudos for the plan.

As for the commercial itself?  Eh.  I’ve seen funnier ones and sexier ones get aired.  The only funny bit is the chick making a soup in her hottub.  Now, if I had made the video?  To hell with the broccoli, lets go all out:  cucumbers, celery, carrots, zucchini.  C’mon, you want a guys attention?  THAT’LL do it!  Besides you get the veggie-tarians and the veggie-lovers!

So in typical PETA fashion:  great plan, lousy execution - C+.

****

Additional bonus - probably will be the only funny commerical during the game:

Pete’s got the brain cell they share right now…

In what I really hope to God is a joke…

Sources confirm to me exclusively that ubiquitous real-life couple Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz just closed a deal to guest star on CSI: NY.
A show spokesperson declined to comment, but I’m told the Wentz’ will not be playing themselves in the episode, which is slated to air on March 18. (Entertainment Weekly)
I wonder if the Wentz’ even KNOW what the word “ubiquitous” means.  Seriously.  Hell, I doubt they could spell it.

Ashley:  “U-B-I-C-” Nnnnh!  WRONG!!

Petey:  “7-” Nnnnh!  WRONG!!!

And now they’re gonna act?  No no no no no.  Hell, I don’t even watch any of the CSI’s and even I know this is a bad move.  Poor Gary Sinise is stuck with these two - well not really “poor” in the financial sense, but you get the idea.

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Sadly, Bai Ling let her looks go after her recent arrest…
From ContactMusic:

Hit U.S. sitcom Ugly Betty is set to be adapted for Chinese TV. Chinese network Hunan Satellite TV has unveiled plans for Invincible Ugly Woman, a localised version of the Salma Hayek-produced series about a nerdy assistant working at fashion magazine Mode. The lead role in Invincible Ugly Woman has already been cast to a female with no prior acting experience, Hunan Satellite TV has confirmed. Ugly Betty, which has been a major ratings success for ABC since its U.S. premiere in September 2006, is an adaptation of the popular Colombian soap Yo Soy Betty, La Fea (I Am Betty, The Ugly One).

Well, first I thought it said “Human Satellite TV” and pictured a poor Chinese guy stuck in space having to hold a the satellite dish jussst right.  Of course, knowing the Chinese that’s entirely possible.

The other thing is with a name like “Invincible Ugly Woman” you just gotta expect fight sequences with poor English dubbing.  Like the episode where “Invincible Ugly Woman” fights “Gay Lightning Peon” or has sex with “Mythical Desperate Man”.

…

Man, I think I should try out for “Mythical Desperate Man”; Lord knows I have experience in that role!

There’s a woman masturbating to this pic right now … and she teaches class tomorrow. 

I only have passing knowledge of the Jonas Brothers.  And in “passing” I mean like “passing gas” - I know it’s there but as long as it don’t smell I can ignore its existence.  Unfortunately, Disney has decided to ram down our collective throats air a new TV series with the boys (named “who cares”, “don’t give a shit”, “fuck you”, and “snot”).  As a band that’s really…

…a group of spies…

…that help their dad…

…who’s also a spy…

The writer’s are coming back for this shit??? (From HitsUsa):

J.O.N.A.S.! stands for “Junior Operatives Networking As Spies” and the Jonas Brothers are helping their dad - he’s also a secret agent - thwart the evil Dr. Harvey Fleischman, a diabolical dentist out to take over the minds of young people everywhere.

Think Austin Powers meets The Monkees and you’ll have the basis of the next surefire Disney Channel hit. The Jonas Brothers play themselves as high school rock stars who are also undercover secret agents.

I suddenly picture Mike Myers with a banana shoved up his ass - which would make more sense and at least as funny as this.  This reminds of the retarded cartoon show “Totally Spies!” which is only watchable because you can ogle teenage babes in spandex (hey, I didn’t make the show okay?).  Of course, this will be a massive hit with the tween and teen audiences as millions of young girls hit puberty simultaneously.

Shit, someone better lock R. Kelly up but quick!

Seriously, just come out already…

WARNING:  Blogger was drinking while typing.
As a general rule, I HATE award shows.  Well, I like to see what fucked up fashions some celeb might wear and it’s always nice to see someone sweating on stage (I’m a sadist, fuck off).  Other than that though, I can’t stand them.

However, of all of them I despise the People Choice Awards most of all.  Why?  Simple.  This is the same population that can’t get off their asses to vote for the leader of the country but dammit if they want to vote for ‘Best Actor’!  (rolls eyes)  Plus the only thing worse than critics who don’t know shit is the general population that doesn’t.  Let me put it this way - top grossing movie of 2007?  Spider Man 3.  Second?  Shrek The Turd Third.

The only interesting thing is the Writers’ Strike hit the award show hard, apparently.  Anyway, here’s how People described it:

Yes, the 34th annual People’s Choice Awards carried on. Rather than cancel the show, producers retooled it as an understated, “newsmagazine”-style broadcast, hosted by Queen Latifah on CBS. The actress acknowledged the changes immediately, telling viewers, “I know this show’s a little different than last time. But we have what’s important – you, the people, and all your favorites all night long.”

Apart from the host – who spent much of the broadcast directly addressing the cameras and walking around an empty studio – celebrity appearances were relegated to vintage clips (montages mostly of memorable moments) and prerecorded acceptance speeches. Top winners included Johnny Depp and Reese Witherspoon as favorite male and female movie star, respectively, and Justin Timberlake as favorite male singer.

And of course, we got the now obligatory references to said strike:

Even in the taped acceptance speeches, the writers’ absence was noted often. As Joaquin Phoenix received his favorite leading man trophy, he flipped through cue cards rather than speaking. “I’m speechless without the writers,” his cards read. “Seriously. But in my own quiet way, I want to thank the millions of fans that voted for me for favorite leading man.”

And Witherspoon, who currently stars Rendition, said, “We are nothing without our writers. But we are also nothing without our audience.”

I realize they’re striking for something important to them and that’s cool, BUT - I GET IT!  THEY’RE ON STRIKE!  I’M NOT AT THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, GODDAMMIT!!!!  Here’s an original idea - have the ACTORS go on strike to support them or force the studios to bring the writers back.

Oh wait - that would mean disrupting THEIR paychecks.  Yeah, don’t wanna miss that January junket to St. Barts, right?

(yeah, I know - very original headline, eh?)

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are not to pleased that Showtime has stolen co-oped the name “Californication” for the it’s title of a series starring David Duchovny. In fact, they have now sued the cable channel.

The lawsuit claims the term is “inherently distinctive, famous and … is widely recognized” as being associated with the band.

“Californication is the signature CD, video and song of the band’s career,” lead singer Anthony Kiedis said in a statement to the Associated Press. “For some TV show to come along and steal our identity is not right.”

The suit also names series creator Tom Kapinos and two production companies. It seeks a permanent injunction against using the name “Californication” along with unnamed damages, legal fees and profits earned from the show.

Also, one of the characters has the nickname of - get this - “Dani California”.

Well, you gotta hand it to Showtime for having the balls to outright steal the names and think they’d just get away with it. Sorry. I’m all for stealing (I run a fucking blog!) but I try to credit when possible. Plus, Californication (the album) is definitely a highwater mark for the Peppers. I myself assumed (like most) that Showtime had actually paid for the use of the terms. Ha! Go get’em Peppers!