CelebrityFIST!

Happy Hedgehog Day from ChaozCentral.  What?  “Groundhog Day”?  Nah, we don’t these lame ass holidays here.  Instead of the fat ass groundhog we use a lovely hedgehog we found on the side of the road in Tuscaloosa.  So his name is ‘Tuscaloosa Tim’.  And no, we don’t check the fucking weather with Tim.  Nope, the rules are simple - if Tim talks, every man will get a blowjob in the next 24 hours.  If he doesn’t talk, we no such luck.

Let’s see … Okay Tim - DO YOUR STUFF!

“…”

C’mon.  Just one syllable.

“…”

SHIT, well maybe next time guys!  How about some eyecandy instead!  Tomorrow, I’ll be showing you how to hedgehog burgers!!  Bon Appetit!  Pics after the jump!! (more…)

> > > W I D E   L O A D < < <

(both a description AND its capacity)

Maddox Likes Big Butts And He Cannot Lie - Eight year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt (why not Pitt-Jolie, Angelina?) apparently went to a Saints game with ‘dad’ Brad Pitt and was didn’t give a shit about the game…

A lengthy OK! investigation can now reveal that Maddox was more interested in the giant TV screens flashing pictures of Kim Kardashian in her luxury box.

“He has a huge crush on Kim,” a family insider tells OK!. “He thinks she is the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Well, he used the words ‘hottest girl’ to be exact.”

I think he likes big asses because his mom has the opposite (I think Angelina’s is concave actually).

Or maybe, he heard that she likes being peed on.  You know kids, just love to piss on everything. 

Ali Larter Flashes Panties, Many Go Blind - TheSuperficial has some pics of Ali upskirting at some party that none of us were invited to.  They infer vagina but are just panties.  However, they are definitely not safe for work.  Why?  Well, they show basically that her pussy is saggy.  No.  Really.  It seems she has a saggy pussy.  Which only implies that that thing has seen more turnover than AIG.  … Yeah, I know the joke sucks; its all I got right now okay?

Anyway, if you really wanna see saggy panties.  Go for it.  Just remember you can’t unsee it!

Tila Nguyen STILL won’t go away - Okay, Tila Nguyen was #1 on MySpace, got a reality show, got beat up (allegedly), got engaged to a woman (allegedly), her ‘fiancee’ died (that was legit), and now she’s pregnant (allegedly).  I give up with this one, I don’t understand how an elfin little POS like this does everything BUT a sex tape (supposedly one exists).  She truly is the personification of herpes - everytime she goes away (even for a moment) she comes back stronger, more virulent and typical antibiotics are no longer effective against her.  Fuck Swine Flu - we have Hoe Flu (H0-N0 strain).

Joe Jackson wants his ‘tree fitty‘ - Well Michael Jackson’s dad, Joe is still swinging away at the courts trying to get his (undeserved) slice of the pie.  Basically he’s looking for an ‘allowance’ from his son’s estate.  How touching.  I’d suggest that why doesn’t he just slice of pieces of Michael to sell - but, he’d probably think I was serious.

The elder Jackson is kinda like the Loch Ness monster in this case…

Okay, I loved the man but Hugh Hefner really has … I dunno, senility perhaps?  Its one thing to take your once mighty magazine and turn it into a poor-man’s Maxim (which is double insult since Maxim was originally a poor-man’s Playboy).  I mean, c’mon!  Layouts of some C-listing celebs that aren’t even nude?  And the ones we get?  Tara Reid?  Lisa Rinna?  What is this Playboy or Plastic Surgery For Dummies Monthly? (more…)

So I’m finally back on the celebrity beat and lets see whats going on.  Oh yeah, well remember how Tila Tequila Nguyen - the former cocktease cum famewhore - said she and Johnson & Johnson heir Casey Johnson were engaged a few weeks back.  Yeah, that didn’t last very long.  Mainly cuz Casey DIED of ‘natural causes’ (i.e.: probably drugs - drugs are natural right?).

Well Tila has been so distraught that she has taken to Twitter to post ‘over 9000′ messages since she died (like a couple of days ago).  Mind you she ‘quit’ Twitter a couple of months back to.  And she also was going to kill herself too.

Anyhoo, The Johnson family had Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips go by and pick up Casey’s belongings including her pet dogs.  This presumably because they didn’t want Tila’s ‘touch of death’ to affect the dogs as well.  Or maybe they though she would eat them - which is a terrible thing to think! 

Tila - in typical famewhore fashion does the sensible thing and calls the cops (and the paps) to see the spectacle.  She apparently was afraid that the dogs would be ‘put down’ (which is kinda ironic since Casey was ‘put down’ earlier).  After receiving assurance that they wouldn’t, she ‘let them go’ with Nicky and Bijou.

If you’re wondering why I just typed all this just for a boring piece of news.  Well, its fucking 30F outside and I’m off today so I gotta have something to kill the time with.

BTW, Tila?  Yeah, next time you say you’re going to kill yourself you better do it otherwise Death is gonna get pissed and take someone you care about instead.  Its already happened once.

EDIT - Jimbo noted I should have posted pictures since I made you all read about the little dwarftard.  And he’s right.  So without further ado are some nudes of her (back when when she was less annoying).  Enjoy!

I’ve been following this garbage for a few days and haven’t posted it because - eh, its boring.

Until now! (more…)

That reminds me - pork butt’s on sale this week…

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