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The Public Shouldn’t Respect Celebrity, Celebrity Should Respect The Public
The Public Shouldn’t Respect Celebrity, Celebrity Should Respect The PublicThe Public Shouldn’t Respect Celebrity, Celebrity Should Respect The PublicThe Public Shouldn’t Respect Celebrity, Celebrity Should Respect The PublicThe Public Shouldn’t Respect Celebrity, Celebrity Should Respect The Public
Pamela Anderson learns not to fuck with Uncle Sam. Of course, too bad she didn’t learn that with Tommy Lee before she got The Hep. (OOPS!) Actually, to be truthful she owes California that (so actually “Uncle Ahnald”) and its about half a million dollars. Wow. Who knew a washed up, diseased hoe could earn enough to OWE that much. Oh wait - never mind, “California” - got it.
Holly Madison gets a ‘bobblehead’ of her own. With the start of this year’s baseball season (a sport which I stopped caring about around 1979); everyone needed a ‘notable’ to throw the first pitch. Appropriately, the Las Vegas 51’s (named after Area 51 - the so-called secret alien housing unit) picked someone not quite of this planet to throw out the first pitch. And they also gave out bobbleheads of their “guest of honor”: Holly Madison. Tru-fact - the bobblehead contains the same percentage of plastic as the ACTUAL Holly! How’s THAT for engineering!
Larry King is an old fucking idiot. I say that not outta jealousy since he’s been married (and soon to be divorced) eight times whereas I’m still waiting to get married once. Nope. He’s an idiot because he not only cheats on his wife. He cheats on her with HER SISTER. Plus - he HAD NO GODDAMN FUCKING PRENUP!! (facepalms) As Charlie Sheen is alleged to have said - “You don’t pay a hooker for sex, you pay her to leave in the morning.” In the long run that’s better than HALF YOUR SHIT.
[quick sidebar: Forgot to mention but I bought a 12-pack tonight and currently on #10. So if I fall asleep suddenly - well you know.]
Sigourney Weaver is a dude. And a sexist one at that since she says the reason her svengali James “Kirk” Cameron “Mitchell” lost the Oscar for Best Picture (Avatar) to the winner (The Hurt Locker) was because the director was a woman. … What? For the record, I started watching Avatar - got a phone call and walked out of the theater - didn’t go back in. Frankly, its boring as shit drying. Sorry. It’s kinda like a porn star - great for about 15 minutes but do you really wanna stick around 2.5 hours?
Katy Perry; NYC (04/13/2010) - its really not fair someone as irritating as her should look even partly sexy…
Tila Nguyen; still alive and as skanky as ever at Sirius XM (04/12/2010) - from a simply ‘ho’ point of view; I’d hit it … then I’d HIT it (I’ll leave it up to you in what order I mean)
Zoe Saldana; Self Magazine (05/2010) - I actually liked her more BEFORE ‘Star Trek‘. Holly Peers; Nuts UK (04/2010) - because you can NEVER have enough British tits
Last (but or so not least) Christina Hendricks; Unknown Photoshoot - things I wanna do with her would be illegal just THINKING about them…
THE FIST OF 02/15/10 MechaHeidi Montag … Blake Lively … Robert Patterson … Tila Nguyen … Kevin Smith …
MechaHeidi celebrates Valentines - well in this case ‘celebrates’ means inviting photographers to take pictures of your overall-ed ass (literally) in ’sexy’ lingerie. Well I’m sure its sexy lingerie if it was on anyone else OTHER than Heidi Montag. Also, I’m pretty sure she can’t get too close to any open flames without the possibility of MELTING.
Blake Lively has decided she wants to take her clothes off for Playboy! There’s a hitch … well, 2.5 MILLION hitches to be exact. Seems Blake wants a big payday for going ‘full monty’ in the magazine. Now, if I were Hef (and I ain’t); I’d say $2.5M? No problem but I want the WHOLE ENCHILADA (if you know what I mean). This “coyly hiding” behind mud and handbras? No way. I’d tell her, “get up on the stirrups - and now work it!”
Robert Patterson: “I’m allergic to vagina.“- … BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! No really, this is easily the stupidest quote of the year. Even if he is gay (and he still refuses to admit it), its an idiotic quote. I can imagine him breaking out in hives if he gets wind of bad fish.
Tila Nguyen almost died again - like totally!She apparently fell and ‘dented’ her head (like anyone could tell on her deformed skull to begin with). Shit you know, when she finally kicks the bucket - I’m seriously not gonna believe it. And knowing this dented bitch she’d STILL manage to Twitter from the Great Beyond/Abyss (depending on your belief system).
Kevin Smith is fat. Yeah I know not really news but he’s “officially” too fat for Southwest Airlines. Now after Smith went Twittershit, Southwest caved in like a pussyified boyfriend and apologized. The thing is though I’m a kinda chunky guy so you have to be REALLY FUCKIN’ FAT to get kicked off of Southwest. I’m just sayin’.
Happy Hedgehog Day from ChaozCentral. What? “Groundhog Day”? Nah, we don’t these lame ass holidays here. Instead of the fat ass groundhog we use a lovely hedgehog we found on the side of the road in Tuscaloosa. So his name is ‘Tuscaloosa Tim’. And no, we don’t check the fucking weather with Tim. Nope, the rules are simple - if Tim talks, every man will get a blowjob in the next 24 hours. If he doesn’t talk, we no such luck.
Let’s see … Okay Tim - DO YOUR STUFF!
“…”
C’mon. Just one syllable.
“…”
SHIT, well maybe next time guys! How about some eyecandy instead! Tomorrow, I’ll be showing you how to hedgehog burgers!! Bon Appetit! Pics after the jump!! (more…)
Maddox Likes Big Butts And He Cannot Lie - Eight year-old Maddox Jolie-Pitt (why not Pitt-Jolie, Angelina?) apparently went to a Saints game with ‘dad’ Brad Pitt and was didn’t give a shit about the game…
A lengthy OK! investigation can now reveal that Maddox was more interested in the giant TV screens flashing pictures of Kim Kardashian in her luxury box.
“He has a huge crush on Kim,” a family insider tells OK!. “He thinks she is the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. Well, he used the words ‘hottest girl’ to be exact.”
I think he likes big asses because his mom has the opposite (I think Angelina’s is concave actually).
Or maybe, he heard that she likes being peed on. You know kids, just love to piss on everything.
Ali Larter Flashes Panties, Many Go Blind - TheSuperficial has some pics of Ali upskirting at some party that none of us were invited to. They infer vagina but are just panties. However, they are definitely not safe for work. Why? Well, they show basically that her pussy is saggy. No. Really. It seems she has a saggy pussy. Which only implies that that thing has seen more turnover than AIG. … Yeah, I know the joke sucks; its all I got right now okay?
Anyway, if you really wanna see saggy panties. Go for it. Just remember you can’t unsee it!
Tila Nguyen STILL won’t go away - Okay, Tila Nguyen was #1 on MySpace, got a reality show, got beat up (allegedly), got engaged to a woman (allegedly), her ‘fiancee’ died (that was legit), and now she’s pregnant (allegedly). I give up with this one, I don’t understand how an elfin little POS like this does everything BUT a sex tape (supposedly one exists). She truly is the personification of herpes - everytime she goes away (even for a moment) she comes back stronger, more virulent and typical antibiotics are no longer effective against her. Fuck Swine Flu - we have Hoe Flu (H0-N0 strain).
Joe Jackson wants his ‘tree fitty‘ - Well Michael Jackson’s dad, Joe is still swinging away at the courts trying to get his (undeserved) slice of the pie. Basically he’s looking for an ‘allowance’ from his son’s estate. How touching. I’d suggest that why doesn’t he just slice of pieces of Michael to sell - but, he’d probably think I was serious.
The elder Jackson is kinda like the Loch Ness monster in this case…
Okay, I loved the man but Hugh Hefner really has … I dunno, senility perhaps? Its one thing to take your once mighty magazine and turn it into a poor-man’s Maxim (which is double insult since Maxim was originally a poor-man’s Playboy). I mean, c’mon! Layouts of some C-listing celebs that aren’t even nude? And the ones we get? Tara Reid? Lisa Rinna? What is this Playboy or Plastic Surgery For Dummies Monthly? (more…)
So I’m finally back on the celebrity beat and lets see whats going on. Oh yeah, well remember how TilaTequilaNguyen - the former cocktease cum famewhore - said she and Johnson & Johnson heir Casey Johnson were engaged a few weeks back. Yeah, that didn’t last very long. Mainly cuz Casey DIED of ‘natural causes’ (i.e.: probably drugs - drugs are natural right?).
Well Tila has been so distraught that she has taken to Twitter to post ‘over 9000′ messages since she died (like a couple of days ago). Mind you she ‘quit’ Twitter a couple of months back to. And she also was going to kill herself too.
Anyhoo, The Johnson family had Nicky Hilton and Bijou Phillips go by and pick up Casey’s belongings including her pet dogs. This presumably because they didn’t want Tila’s ‘touch of death’ to affect the dogs as well. Or maybe they though she would eat them - which is a terrible thing to think!
Tila - in typical famewhore fashion does the sensible thing and calls the cops (and the paps) to see the spectacle. She apparently was afraid that the dogs would be ‘put down’ (which is kinda ironic since Casey was ‘put down’ earlier). After receiving assurance that they wouldn’t, she ‘let them go’ with Nicky and Bijou.
If you’re wondering why I just typed all this just for a boring piece of news. Well, its fucking 30F outside and I’m off today so I gotta have something to kill the time with.
BTW, Tila? Yeah, next time you say you’re going to kill yourself you better do it otherwise Death is gonna get pissed and take someone you care about instead. Its already happened once.
EDIT - Jimbo noted I should have posted pictures since I made you all read about the little dwarftard. And he’s right. So without further ado are some nudes of her (back when when she was less annoying). Enjoy!
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