CelebrityFIST!

Death got the last laugh…
Well, the big news right now is Heath Ledger was found dead today.  I’ll skip the usual smack for the news:

Actor Heath Ledger was found dead at a Manhattan apartment Tuesday afternoon in what appeared to be a possible drug-related death; he was 28. The actor was discovered in one of the SoHo apartment’s bedrooms at 3:31 p.m., when a masseuse arrived for a scheduled appointment and the residence’s housekeeper went to inform the actor of the masseuse’s arrival. He was found unconscious and unresponsive; the New York Times stated that the apartment in question belonged to actress Mary-Kate Olsen, who was not present and was believed to be out of state. An initial police report also cited by the New York Times said that foul play was not suspected and that pills had been found near Ledger’s body.

Engaged at one time to Brokeback co-star Michelle Williams, the two had a daughter but had split in recent months. Earlier this year, Ledger wrapped filming on the Batman film The Dark Knight, in which he played The Joker; the film is currently set for release this summer. Further details of the actor’s death were not available at press time. (IMDB)

First of all, everyone here at ChaozCentral passes its deepest condolences to Ledger’s family and loved ones.

THAT SAID… 

It does make me wonder about the fate of “The Dark Knight” movie.  Main reason is that if Heath’s Joker dies in the flick (and I’m not sure he does; but I’m sure someone knows) there is every possibility that Warners will change the ending.  Also if that happens, it could very well push back the July release date.  Now, if he didn’t die in the flick (which would have made complete sense) then the film itself is okay.
However, on the flip side; you can almost SURELY expect a far more toned down ad campaign for “The Dark Knight” than originally intended.  That means most likely no more “Joker” appearances in previews, print ads, etc.  Odds are the viral campaign is has already been shut down by the top brass.

Warners typically has played conservatively with their properties and are not about to let the movie’s potential earnings slip away because one of the main actors “decided to off himself” (trust me, that is their thinking).

I am sure at this moment, their ad-men and gonna try to spin this just right.  See, the other thing is that Ledger had no other films in the can.  This was his last film.  It is very likely we’ll see PSA’s or some sort of charity gig taking place prior to “The Dark Knight”’s release in “memory” of Ledger.

The one thing that will definitely not happen is Warners shelving the film.  They have already dumped far too much cash into the advertising that is already out there to just shelve it now; to take it as a loss during this time of the Writer’s strike with projects getting shelved left and right?   No, not only would it be foolish for them; but downright ….

…uh, I’ll just stop right there.

Well, short day today here at Chaoz Central cuz:

• I had a mid-shift (11A-7P) which suck major donkey balls
• I work the early shift tomorrow; which sucks major pus-filled sweaty donkey balls

But fuck all that, I got a Wii!!!!

I just picked it up (after waiting a MONTH for it) and started playing with it…. And promptly, hurt my ass muscle playing “Wii Tennis”. No joque.

Yeah, I knew I was outta shape (which explains those fatty grunts I get when I pick up something) … but that … that’s sad.

Anyway, Unca Chaoz here has to go but I’ll be back tomorrow.

…what I’m really worried about is playing Madden ‘08. I may have to keep the phone nearby for 911.

Mummy III:  The MILF Strikes! 

In news that surprised me, they are making a third installment of The Mummy.  Um, I don’t recall the clamoring that people had after seeing the second movie (whose title escapes me).  Seriously, I think they put these movies out so they have a “trilogy” pack to sell to the folks come holiday season.

Anyway, Brendan Fraser is back (not like he’s doing anything else, right?) but Rachel Weisz has said “non” to this go-around so instead of seeing her and her long curly lock we get Maria Bello.  But why does Brendon sound so … ecstatic about his co-star?  Hmmm.

Hollywood star BRENDAN FRASER is pleased his former THE MUMMY co-star RACHEL WEISZ will not appear in the third installment of the movie - because her replacement MARIA BELLO “adds interest” to the set. Weisz turned down the opportunity to play complete the trilogy as Evie in The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor and was replaced by Bello. And Fraser has praised the 40-year-old for bringing new energy to the film franchise. He says, “The show must go on and to work with Maria is a new experience that adds interest to the role. “We needed someone for the part. We didn’t want to change the storyline where we start at a tombstone laying flowers at her grave. I don’t want to give the joke away but I can promise you a brand new Evie.” Fraser - who once dated Weisz - is now reportedly romantically linked to Bello. (source)

Well, you gotta admit it’s nice to be able to get your pork on without even having to leave the set.  Plus, Maria Bello doesn’t have much of a body though she takes to nude scenes well (NSFW).  That said … seriously, we don’t need another Mummy movie.  “Deep Throat”?  Different story.

Hef is banging this … I’ll go shoot myself now.

Every once in a while, I just want to reach out and help people. Y’know, feed the hungry, educate the ig’nant, stop Hef from doing something crazy…

Playboy boss HUGH HEFNER will finally grant girlfriend HOLLY MADISON’s wish of becoming a mother - after agreeing to seek fertility treatment. Madison has regularly expressed her desire to become a mother during the couple’s reality TV show The Girls Next Door. And it seems the magazine mogul has agreed to become a father for fifth time. According to Hollywood gossip columnist Janet Charlton, the 81-year-old and Madison were spotted visiting a Beverly Hills gynaecologist who specialises in vitro fertilization. (source)

Nonononononononononononono! Hef … brother man … noooooo. Bad bachelor, bad! Oy, obviously Hef has not learned from his previous relationships that “kids = mucho $$$$”. I like Hef, he’s 81 and is banging girls a QUARTER his age. I have much to learn from sensei. But this? Nope. In 2 years, it’s gonna be “child support city”. I can hear the Holly going “ka-CHING!”

Well, here’s a couple of galleries of Ms. Madison in all her glory. I’ll let you decide if she’s worth half of what you own.

Holly likes to wash cars. (NSFW, but enjoyable)

Well, it was inevitable, but Lindsay Lohan’s been found in the morgue. Unfortunately, not actually a “resident” but she’s working off part of her plea bargain there.

Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan is to spend two days working in a Los Angeles morgue as part of a plea bargain over her drink-driving conviction. The 21-year-old actress will continue her rehabilitation by working at an unspecified morgue for four hours on two separate days.

Her lawyer Blair Berk accepted the order at an LA court hearing this week.

The arrangement is not unique for Lohan, who has spent time in an alcohol rehab centre in the last year, with the American courts system geared towards showing drivers the consequences of drinking under the influence. After working at the morgue the Mean Girls star is due to spend time at a hospital’s accident and emergency department.

Last year Lohan was caught drink-driving twice by police in Hollywood, as well as facing separate drug and driving offences. She has already spent more than one hour in jail as part of her plea bargain.

I’ve been to a morgue (don’t ask). No fun at all, plus the smells are … “unique”. Suddenly, considering what she does for a living; maybe jail time wouldn’t have been so bad. More interestingly, she gets bonus points for me for doing something I don’t think I could do. >shivers< Also I think she's starting to take all this seriously for reasons: 1) She's wearing conventional white panties, no colors; and 2) well, she's WEARING panties period.

Also, I’ve officially decided that Adnan is “going for the money” because while his wife is not exactly a stunner; I’d still pick her over the sow with two piglets.  >oink<>oink<

Here’s something that falls into the “be glad you’re not this fucker”…

Police said a Kokomo man accidentally shot himself in the genitals as he robbed a convenience store early Tuesday morning. Kokomo police said they were called to a Village Pantry store at 100 N. Ohio St. at about 4:20 a.m. after a clerk at the store called them.

The female clerk told police that a man came into the store with a semiautomatic handgun and demanded cash and cigarettes before handing her a white cloth bag. The clerk said that as she retrieved the cigarettes she heard a gunshot and turned to confront the man, who yelled that he had shot himself.

Police said the man, whom they identified as 25-year-old Derrick Kosch, grabbed the bag full of cash and fled the store. In-store surveillance cameras showed that Kosch shot himself as he placed the gun into the waistband of his pants, police said. Authorities declined to release the surveillance footage early Tuesday.

Shortly after the robbery, dispatchers got a call from someone in a home in the 1000 block of East North Street about a man who was shot. When officers arrived, they found Kosch with a gunshot wound to a testicle and leg. He was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Officers said that while at the home they found the bag of money that was taken from the convenience store and clothes seen on the robber in the surveillance tape. Police said Kosch will be charged with armed robbery and related charges when he emerges from surgery on Tuesday. (source)

If that doesn’t cheer you up, then go rob a convenience store … with a gun in your pants.

Speaking of abuse, here comes the original “demented children’s show”: Mr. Bill! A voice like Mickey Mouse and body like Kenny from South Park. Granted, a little “old” but still good…

WANTED: someone to talk to; sex a minus.

In a group of -uh- “friends”; there’s usually a “smart one”, a “fat one”, a “slutty one”, and a “loser one”….

Jennifer Aniston may have found her prince after reportedly going on a blind date with Entourage star Kevin Connolly.   The 38-year-old actress apparently announced she is “looking for love in 2008”.

 

And pals Tobey Maguire and his wife Jennifer Meyer took this as their cue to take action, setting her up with the 33-year-old hunk.  “Tobey and his wife knew it was a long shot, but think they could have made a love connection,” said a pal.  “Physically, Kevin is not Jen’s type. She usually goes for taller guys. But Jen likes guys who can make her laugh, and Kevin kept her in stitches.”

 

Jen’s best friend Courteney Cox is also said to be thrilled about the the love-match, and is hoping the two will have a rosy future.  “Courteney and David know and love Kevin,” added the source.  “They think he could be perfect for Jen.”

 

Let’s hope they’ll be more than just Friends before the month is through! (source)

Okay, I don’t know who this “Kevin Connolly” is but already I feel sorry for him.  There is no way on God’s green earth that I’d go on a date with Jennifer Aniston.  I’d sooner masturbate with a bagel stuffed with razor blades.  Y’know that she goes on-and-on about her exes with him: “Oh, Brad used to this instead.” or “No, Vince wouldn’t make me do that.”  Uh-uh.  my guess is Kevin is gonna run for the hills and turn gay after dating her for a while.  Then he’ll get phone messages that start: “Ke-Vin, why don’t you call me no more?  Don’t you love me anymore?”

Yeah, that’s a ladylike position.  Nice sensible shoes, too.

So, apparently Rachel Bilson likes to make the boys cry.  See, on one hand she wants to be sexy/slutty like here in this GQ shoot.  On the other hand, she apparently wants to be virginal or lady-like cuz she don’t wanna strip for the cameras.  What?

Lads across the world were last night united in grief after another sexy actress vowed NEVER to go nude on film again.  American star Rachel Bilson - sexy Summer in teen drama The O.C. - is the latest babe to get in on the growing trend.

She said: “Movies can be sexy or sexual without showing things.”  But that hasn’t stopped her flashing her bangers in the past, as the scene above from 2006 movie The Last Kiss proves.

No nudes might be good news for the girls - but not for the fellas. (source)

Well, la-de-da!  Woman gonna have to make up her mind.  That “virginal slut” thing is too confusing to me and my dick.  Pick one side or another.

That reminds me, I need to buy some milk.
There are times when I wonder about the state of the world.  No really!  With all the wars, death, destruction, financial ruin.  Personally I blame it on 17-year-olds like Tamira Paszek.

In case you don’t know who she is here’s a crash course:  two-time finalist in the 2005 Girl’s Singles Championship at Wimbledon and at the US Open - Girls’ Singles in 2006. Powerful and strong, Paszek is known for her vicious two-handed backhand(source).

Plus, she’s got really big knockers (yeah, I know usually it’s “boobs” but I’m trying to change it up a bit).

This little number was what she was what she was wearing at The Australian Open the other day.  She probably anticipated her early exit so decided to leave an impression(s) on everyone there:

Had it happened at Wimbledon, the sight of Tamira Paszek lunging around in a flimsy vest and straining sports bra would have left many venerable members of the All-England Club choking on their strawberries.

The 17-year-old Austrian nearly pulled off the shock of the day at the Australian Open but it was more for her choice of tennis attire that she’ll live long in the memories of those present.

Her third seed opponent, Serbian Jelena Jankovic, had to saved three match points to edge Paszek 2-6, 6-2, 12-10 in an opening-day marathon in the first Grand Slam tournament of the year.

The deciding set included 15 breaks of serve and took 1 hour, 56 minutes.

Is this “tennis” anything like that old game “Pong”?  I mean, because that’s a long time to be sitting in front of the TV.

(yeah, I knew that joke was gonna suck and I still posted it…) 

Here’s some more pics (incuding the fact that this is not the first time she takes tries to make it a 3-on-1 match):