CelebrityFIST!

*sigh* Why are people so full of shit.  (Look this is quick rant - just skip to the pics - your call)  Anyway, had one person call in on my yesterday.  Today that person showed up but ANOTHER called in.  And now I just got a call that a THIRD person is calling in tomorrow.  Why?  In each of these cases their snot-nosed brats are sick. 

Fine I’m bias - not let me bitch.  Guess what?  We all got bills.  Sucks when a kid is sick I get it - but unless you got no relatives or unless your kid got hit with a Mack truck and is in the hospital, sorry, I’m playing my “asshole” card.  Yes, I’m single.  Yes, I don’t have a regular fuck.  Yes, I know kids “are a gift from God”.

I didn’t inseminate the uterus okay?  Deal with it.

*ARGH*  Okay that’s outta the way (for now).

The Golden Globes apparently happened.  The reason I’m so on the ball with this is because there’s red carpet pics abounding on the Net.  So in my effort to continue to pretend this is a CELEB blog (and not just titty blog - which we all know it is).  Let’s post some of these pics shall we?

Jennifer Morrison

Perrey Reeves

Sofia Vergara

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As you know I’m a perverty kinda guy and I like my pics with skin - lots of them.  But I can make exceptions.  Christina Hendricks is DEFINITELY an exception.  I’d probably post her pics if she was in a biohazard suit.    Besides, you can you NOT want to see pictures of that rack (even though its covered)!?

Yeah, I know she’s married.  Don’t care.  It’s not like her orifices are filled with concrete, dig?

….suddenly pictures a mold of her vagina …. faints…

I like Doutzen Kroes.  Enough to want to jump her.  BUT - she seems like the type that’s used to the hi-life.  Ya know, the fancy restaurants (that don’t have a drive thru), expensive cars (like those made in this decade), and nice clubs (the one’s without strippers).  That’s really a lot of hoops to jump thru for a hand in the panties.

No, however the next time she wants a 12-pack and a few hours of Skinemax - she can call me.  No lines! 

Oh sure, Michael Jackson dies and everyone mourns his legacy, Brittany Murphy passes people and say “what if”.  All well and good, but one someone really special dies, few blink an eye and all you see is a “oh yeah, this guy died” press release.

Fuck you, world.

Anyway, Donald Goerke died on Sunday.  You don’t know him, hell I don’t him but he created Spaghetti-os and Chunky Soup.  Read on:

The Campbell Soup Co. executive who was behind the enduring brands SpaghettiOs and Chunky Soup has died.

Donald Goerke (GUHR’-kee) was 83. A Campbell spokesman confirmed that Goerke died of heart failure Sunday at his home in Delran in southern New Jersey.

Goerke was marketing research director of Campbell’s Franco-American line in the early 1960s when his group started dreaming up pasta in shapes that would appeal to kids. He chose the o’s. They were marketed with the unforgettable tagline, “Uh-oh, SpaghettiOs.”

Fuck.  I wrote a ton of really nice shit below this - including a lyric poem that combined elements of Kubla Khan and Spaghettios but it apparently got baleeted by accident.

Anyway, suffice to say that Spaghettios are THE SHIT.  I ate’em as a kid and eat’em now.  Not the ones with the meatballs though - nope gotta be the ’sliced franks’.  Joke all you want about a single dude eating cold Spaghettios (because I have) but I’m fuckin’ PROUD to be an eater of them.

So from me and my mom (who no doubt would have killed me if Spaghettios weren’t there to dangle as a carrot to keep me in line), thanks Mr. Goerke, wherever you are.

Later, he helped introduce Chunky Soup, a hearty ready-to-serve soup that stood out from the company’s traditional line of condensed soups.

The Waukesha, Wis., native worked for Camden-based Campbell for 35 years, retiring in 1990. (Sauce)

Let me just say that Spaghettios are THE SHIT.  I’ve been eating them since I was a Chaoz-tyke.  And I can’t stand the ones with meatballs.  Fuck that.  Give me the one with sliced franks.  To this day, I still eat those and Boy-R-Dee’s Ravioli.  Hell, whenever I was being a pain in the ass my moms would say “if you behave you can have spaghettios tonight for supper.”  That was like filet mignon to a snot like me.

So from me and my moms (who no doubt would’ve killed me at some point if not for spaghettios) - thanks Mr. Goerke, wherever you are!

Okay, I loved the man but Hugh Hefner really has … I dunno, senility perhaps?  Its one thing to take your once mighty magazine and turn it into a poor-man’s Maxim (which is double insult since Maxim was originally a poor-man’s Playboy).  I mean, c’mon!  Layouts of some C-listing celebs that aren’t even nude?  And the ones we get?  Tara Reid?  Lisa Rinna?  What is this Playboy or Plastic Surgery For Dummies Monthly? (more…)