CelebrityFIST!

This is actually one of her better days… 

In one of the most anxious moments in my recent memory (matching that time last week when I didn’t know if I had enough toilet paper to finish … “cleaning”), Amy Winehouse was first denied a Visa to come to the US.  Then she was granted one.  Now, she decides she wants to stay in the UK. (ContactMusic)

AMY WINEHOUSE has been granted a U.S. visa just 24 hours after she was banned from entering America to attend the Grammy Awards - but she still won’t travel to Los Angeles to perform at the ceremony (la-zy). The British singer was initially refused a visa at the U.S. embassy in London on Thursday, because of a drug conviction in Norway last October (Our Amy?  NAH!).

Following the decision, Grammy organisers arranged for Winehouse to perform live at Sunday’s event via a satellite link-up. But the embassy reversed its decision on Friday - after discussions involving “officials in the United States” (i.e.: some Winehouse fans in the State Department) concluded Winehouse can go to America. But the Rehab star has opted to remain in London.

A statement from her spokesperson reveals, “Following further discussions involving the U.S. embassy in London and officials in the United States, Amy Winehouse has been granted a visa to enter the United States Of America. “Unfortunately, due to the logistics involved and timing complications, Amy will not be travelling to the U.S. to perform at the Grammys in person. However, she will be performing via satellite broadcast as previously announced. “Amy would like to thank all of those people, in particular the staff involved at the U.S. embassy in London, who have all worked so hard to expedite her application. “She is looking forward to being a part of the 50th Annual Grammy Awards with her Sunday night performance and to going back to the US soon.”

“Logistics and timing complications” are what got me.  Yeah, it was too little time to figure out how to smuggle in the kilo of coke she needs for the performance in that beehive.  Not to mention the time required to insert that crackpipe up in there just right.  Nope, easier just to stay home get wasted, do her karaoke bit, and then finish getting wasted before waking up in a puddle of puke the next day.

ContactMusic.com:

British beauty KATE BECKINSALE almost didn’t attend the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) Awards - because her pet cat caught fire. The actress was preparing for the awards ceremony on Sunday night when her cat, Clive, became engulfed in flames after burning himself on a candle. But Beckinsale did eventually make it to the awards with husband Len Wiseman to present Alec Baldwin with his award for Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Comedy Series in 30 Rock. She tells People.com, “Our cat caught fire on a candle. As I was getting ready, there was like ‘whoosh’ a fireball and he went up like a rocket. “(The cat) is fine. He had no idea. It was awful.”

While I’m glad her cat’s okay, I wonder if she actually debated:  “Oh dear, my feline friend has gone up in flames!  Should I still go to the awards show?”   Most likely, she told her maid to just keep Clive under the cold water til he stops smoldering and if worse came to worse; fajitas tonight!!

One is a frog, the other is a French stereotype.
ContactMusic.com:

BRITNEY SPEARS‘ comeback album BLACKOUT has been named album of the year by French radio station NRJ. The ceremony, which took place on Saturday in Cannes, praised the troubled star’s latest effort, which fought off competition from Amy Winehouse, Mika, James Blunt and Rihanna.

The awards also saw Justin Timberlake and Avril Lavigne honoured, landing gongs for best International Male and Female respectively. R+B star Rihanna, who picked up International Song of the Year for Don’t Stop The Music, debuted a new shorter hairstyle at the French ceremony. Winehouse, who was up for International Revelation and International Album, was scheduled to perform at the event - but was unable to honour the appearance after she was admitted to rehab in London on Thursday.

Way to go France!  You finally get some respect for having the hottest first lady ever and then you have to fuck it up by giving the best album of the year to Britney??  Damn, you all are group of tone-deaf dickweeds.  That crap album is so damn overproduced Ashley Simpson could have done the vocals and probably would’ve won album of the year!

Hell, Amy Winehouse would’ve been a better choice - she maybe a coked-out, anorexic, psychotic, twig of a woman but at least she show’s some talent!

In news that stunned shocked surprised no one in the porn industry; Jenna Jameson (what’s left of her anyway) has retired from porn.

Jenna Jameson appeared at the AVN Awards in Vegas over the weekend to announce her retirement from porn. She went up to the podium and said, “I will never ever ever spread my legs again in this industry ever,” drawing a lot of boos from the crowd. (source)

That’s a damn shame because as you can see from the video she is still the sexiest woman (sorta) alive.

Oh, and here’s a pic of Jenna from when she first started vs. now.

Obviously, that “all-sperm” diet has some flaws in it.

(Hell why didn’t NBC show the AVN awards?  At least it would’ve gotten people to watch.)

Well, perhaps the only award show that still didn’t suck … well, sucked.  I, along with a most of America, neglected to watch the stripped down, toned-down, and basically let-down Golden Globe Awards show Sunday..

What’s a Golden Globes show without stars? Not much, if dismal ratings are any indication.

The Writers Guild strike took all the fun out of the usually festive awards show on Sunday night, and viewers voted with their remotes, tuning into the competition instead of the stripped-down, celebrity-free announcement broadcast, which came in fourth for the hour, the Associated Press reports.

NBC’s results show drew a 4.8 rating and 7 share.  In contrast, last year’s Golden Globes had a 16.0 rating and a 23 audience share. (source)

NBC has only itself to blame; see what it should have done was hire celebrity impersonators to accept the awards on behalf of the stars themselves.  Bascially, it would have been like a “virtual” awards show.

Come to think of it, all award shows ARE virtual - they’re “virtually” entertaining and “virtually” a waste of time.

(Oy, the sleep-depravation is catching up)

Seriously, just come out already…

WARNING:  Blogger was drinking while typing.
As a general rule, I HATE award shows.  Well, I like to see what fucked up fashions some celeb might wear and it’s always nice to see someone sweating on stage (I’m a sadist, fuck off).  Other than that though, I can’t stand them.

However, of all of them I despise the People Choice Awards most of all.  Why?  Simple.  This is the same population that can’t get off their asses to vote for the leader of the country but dammit if they want to vote for ‘Best Actor’!  (rolls eyes)  Plus the only thing worse than critics who don’t know shit is the general population that doesn’t.  Let me put it this way - top grossing movie of 2007?  Spider Man 3.  Second?  Shrek The Turd Third.

The only interesting thing is the Writers’ Strike hit the award show hard, apparently.  Anyway, here’s how People described it:

Yes, the 34th annual People’s Choice Awards carried on. Rather than cancel the show, producers retooled it as an understated, “newsmagazine”-style broadcast, hosted by Queen Latifah on CBS. The actress acknowledged the changes immediately, telling viewers, “I know this show’s a little different than last time. But we have what’s important – you, the people, and all your favorites all night long.”

Apart from the host – who spent much of the broadcast directly addressing the cameras and walking around an empty studio – celebrity appearances were relegated to vintage clips (montages mostly of memorable moments) and prerecorded acceptance speeches. Top winners included Johnny Depp and Reese Witherspoon as favorite male and female movie star, respectively, and Justin Timberlake as favorite male singer.

And of course, we got the now obligatory references to said strike:

Even in the taped acceptance speeches, the writers’ absence was noted often. As Joaquin Phoenix received his favorite leading man trophy, he flipped through cue cards rather than speaking. “I’m speechless without the writers,” his cards read. “Seriously. But in my own quiet way, I want to thank the millions of fans that voted for me for favorite leading man.”

And Witherspoon, who currently stars Rendition, said, “We are nothing without our writers. But we are also nothing without our audience.”

I realize they’re striking for something important to them and that’s cool, BUT - I GET IT!  THEY’RE ON STRIKE!  I’M NOT AT THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, GODDAMMIT!!!!  Here’s an original idea - have the ACTORS go on strike to support them or force the studios to bring the writers back.

Oh wait - that would mean disrupting THEIR paychecks.  Yeah, don’t wanna miss that January junket to St. Barts, right?