CelebrityFIST!

Pamela Anderson learns not to fuck with Uncle Sam.  Of course, too bad she didn’t learn that with Tommy Lee before she got The Hep.  (OOPS!)  Actually, to be truthful she owes California that (so actually “Uncle Ahnald”) and its about half a million dollars.  Wow.  Who knew a washed up, diseased hoe could earn enough to OWE that much.  Oh wait - never mind, “California” - got it.

Holly Madison gets a ‘bobblehead’ of her own.  With the start of this year’s baseball season (a sport which I stopped caring about around 1979); everyone needed a ‘notable’ to throw the first pitch.  Appropriately, the Las Vegas 51’s (named after Area 51 - the so-called secret alien housing unit) picked someone not quite of this planet to throw out the first pitch.  And they also gave out bobbleheads of their “guest of honor”:  Holly Madison.  Tru-fact - the bobblehead contains the same percentage of plastic as the ACTUAL Holly!  How’s THAT for engineering!

Larry King is an old fucking idiot.  I say that not outta jealousy since he’s been married (and soon to be divorced) eight times whereas I’m still waiting to get married once.  Nope.  He’s an idiot because he not only cheats on his wife.  He cheats on her with HER SISTER.  Plus - he HAD NO GODDAMN FUCKING PRENUP!!  (facepalms)  As Charlie Sheen is alleged to have said - “You don’t pay a hooker for sex, you pay her to leave in the morning.”  In the long run that’s better than HALF YOUR SHIT.

[quick sidebar: Forgot to mention but I bought a 12-pack tonight and currently on #10.  So if I fall asleep suddenly - well you know.]

Sigourney Weaver is a dude.  And a sexist one at that since she says the reason her svengali James “Kirk” Cameron “Mitchell” lost the Oscar for Best Picture (Avatar) to the winner (The Hurt Locker) was because the director was a woman.  … What?  For the record, I started watching Avatar - got a phone call and walked out of the theater - didn’t go back in.  Frankly, its boring as shit drying.  Sorry.  It’s kinda like a porn star - great for about 15 minutes but do you really wanna stick around 2.5 hours?

Aw fuck - I’m too drunk to finish it.

Hey at least I’m honest!!

Okay, some have told me they don’t like some of the ‘old songs’ I’ve put up.  Of course, ‘old’ means anything before 1985.  So ….

FUCK IT.  MY BLOG.  MY RULES.

Lets go instead FURTHER back.  I was only a toddler when this song came out but discovered it when my lesbian, pothead aunt would play this stuff while babysitting me.  No, really.  She used to have a shitload of day-glo posters on the ceiling of her bedroom (she was still living with my grandparents (her parents) at the time).  One of my ‘favorites’ was one of Mickey, Donald, and Goofy all wasted around a bong.  Of course, back THEN I didn’t know they were ‘wasted’ and I sure as hell didn’t know what a ‘bong’ was - but the image stuck with me so much that I understand the context now.

Miss that poster.  And my aunt.  (shrugs)  C’est le vie and all that.

Enough words:

BTW, if you’ve got a joint - take a long puff for me alright?  Thanx.

I’m sure today is a day to celebrate something.  Oh yeah, Fiesta starts ‘officially’ today.  For those playing at home, its the biggest party here in town - basically 10 days to get shitfaced, arrested - wash, rinse, repeat.

Me?  I don’t do it because: 1) too fucking expensive, 2) too fucking crowded, & 3) been arrested once and the enjoyment is HIGHLY overrated.

Nope, I fully intend to enjoy my ‘fiesta’ in a nice - chaotic - way.  Hopefully involving taxis, blowjobs, and strippers (quite possibly all at once). 

Enough balloon juice - here’s the eyecandy. Read the rest of this entry »

Well the good news is I’m finally on vacation.  The bad news is how long will it take before work tries to intrude on it.  I give it 12 hours…

Okay, we’re gonna start with a song running on my phone lately.  To me, its as topical as ever.

Supertramp - “The Logical Song”

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle.  Oh, it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they’d be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully - watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be Sensible.
Logical.  Oh, Responsible.  Practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so Dependable.
Clinical.  Oh, Intellectual.  Cynical.

There are times when all the world’s asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd -
but please tell me who I am.

I said what would you say they’ll be calling you “A Radical”.
“A Liberal.”  “Fanatical “  “Criminal.”?
Won’t you sign up your name?  We’d like to feel you’re
accept-able, respect-able, present-able, a vegat-able!

At night, when all the world’s asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned?
I know it sounds absurd:
but please tell me who I am.

Who I am.  Who I Am!  WHO I AM!

Cause I’m feeling so Illogical.  Digital.  So unbelievable…

No jump - too lazy

Katy Perry; NYC (04/13/2010) - its really not fair someone as irritating as her should look even partly sexy…

Tila Nguyen; still alive and as skanky as ever at Sirius XM (04/12/2010) - from a simply ‘ho’ point of view; I’d hit it … then I’d HIT it (I’ll leave it up to you in what order I mean)

Zoe Saldana; Self Magazine (05/2010) - I actually liked her more BEFORE ‘Star Trek‘.

Holly Peers; Nuts UK (04/2010) - because you can NEVER have enough British tits

Last (but or so not least) Christina Hendricks; Unknown Photoshoot - things I wanna do with her would be illegal just THINKING about them… 

Nah, I’m still alive.  Though I have to concede it’s been a very strange few days (even by my standards).

Saturday - long story, but it ends with my fingers rubbing a mother and daughter’s asscracks - simultaneously.  No, really.  Alcohol was involved (NOOOOO) - ALOT.  However, I can say definitively that while the daughter was cuter.  The mom had the bigger tits and bootylicious ass.  (BTW, if this doesn’t send me to Hell, I don’t know what will)
Sunday - another long story but it ends with me arguing with one my exes (#16) while I’m getting a blowjob from one of my other ‘friends’ (#18ε).  She here’s the labored breathing so asks what the fucks going on. … So I tell her.  Uh, needless to say - she hasn’t called back since.  (shrugs)

Monday - got out late from work (12:30am) wasn’t about to blog.  Sorry.

Today - got outta work ok but I have to go to a meeting in the morning.  Whee.

Don’t worry I’ll throw out a Goodies post at least before hitting the hay.

Well, so we come to the end of another ’show’.  For those of you just coming on board - WELCOME!  You’ve found the most secret place on the Internet (if you could see the traffic numbers, you’d know I wasn’t kidding  )!!!  Anyway, I hope I’ve done at least a little bit to keep you entertained.  I’d do this more often but between my ‘real’ job and my psychoses - well I don’t get enough time.

Plus, there’s that whole “addicted to download porn” that seems to distract me.  Often.

Anyhoo, I seem to be hitting my stride so lets end today on something of a cheery note.  I lust for Aria Giovanni.  She’s very sexy, has big boobs, AND can fist herself!  (No, I can’t embed THAT video - not because I don’t wanna but because I have severe limitation with this crappy WP 2.0 (and no I can’t upgrade, long story)).

Well, here’s Aria doing what she does best - being nude - while some whimsical tropical music plays on.  So get out the pina colada - and the vaseline - and suddenly the world isn’t so bad anymore!!  TTFN!!

Back in the prehistoric days (198X - when cable was still in its infancy); there was this show in the US on Showtime called “Bizarre”.  It was hosted by John Byner and was kinda like SNL on acid - but not particularly good.  It DID have however the occasional topless woman frolicking about (which in pre-Internet days, was as good as it got).

This isn’t one of those skits.

However, another attraction (of the sort) was one Super Dave Osbourne played by Bob Einstein (a comedy writer and friend of Byner).  These skits were insane.  If Evel Knievel and Wiley E. Coyote had an illegitimate love-child, it would be Super Dave.

This is one of the earlier skits as its more rooted in reality (in later ones, he’d be in a giant yoyo or giant football - really!) as he prepares to jump from the CN Tower (I think the tallest in Canada at the time).  Enjoy peeples!

I don’t know when this live performance occurs but obviously a LOOOOONG time ago.  Philip Bailey was definitely at the top of his vocal game and the brass section really sounds good in this clip.  There’s a lot of versions on the Net where the brass was toned down in future concerts but this sounds great!  Enjoy!

Don’t ask - all I’ll say is that combo I described earlier works REALLY well.  … Maybe too well.  Read the rest of this entry »